A few days ago i made a post about me starting working at a factory, grad has been very kind in providing messages of support and tips on how to deal with physical exhaustion and keeping healthy.
today, i don’t know what to do or to think, im one week in and seriously thinking in quitting, can’t take anymore, not so much about physical exhaustion, but mentally, even cried in the bathroom today.
and that is what is bothering me, how to come to terms with being so weak. im not trying to make anyone fell pity or something, especially when we still have colonies where things are hardcore and palestinians getting massacred.
like, idk what to do, i can’t do mental work because i can’t get a fucking job in it, and I’m not handling physical work, and confused about how being weak and not even capable of taking care of myself and handle a job, and be useful in a revolution or be up to the same level of many brave people fighting for the rights to exist, or something as simple as following party discipline.
sometimes i which i could just cease to exist, that way would stop being dead weight and not smudge the good name of our comrades.
edit: i am really moved by your kindness, i will answer each soon.
Eat well, rest well, and have confidence that your body can get stronger.
it’s not your fault that sort of crushing labor is poisonous to your soul. we’re all a product of our material conditions and yours are different to others.
i struggled a lot with work myself, feeling useless for most of my life because i couldn’t enjoy or even tolerate most types of labor that were available to me. there was no easy solution for me but it’s not an impossible situation to escape.
the support you’re going to get from your comrades on grad won’t be as helpful as support you can get from your co-workers or other people immediate in your life. when I worked a factory, we had union reps visiting throughout the week. even just talking to those guys made me feel sane, though the trade union situation in my local area meant they weren’t effective help, they were firm commies (that just couldn’t say so in as many words.)
thank you very for the message.
sadly there are no unions around, i do talk with my dad about it, he has some tips and tricks on surviving in the factory. may be a controvert take, but interacting with coworker has been taking a toll in my mental health, i’m not a manly man you know, everyone else try to be stronk men and lots of homophobics jokes around, that i don’t find funny.
My first thought is give yourself like, a week or two to adjust. It’s a huge change getting into plant/manufacturing work for most people and until you’ve experienced enough to understand ‘normal’ it can feel like you’re constantly being bombarded with new surprises. For me at least, the worst part of a job is often not knowing what’s coming or what’s expected of me, which usually gets better with time. There is always gonna be alienation and frustration unfortunately, but I find that if I’m able to take care of myself physically and create routines that let me see people I care about and get quality time in I can manage.
For the larger existential worry, the good news about a mass movement is that none of us needs to carry it on our back. We’re stronger together, and not everyone will be sweating it out in a bog like Che, nor should everyone be expected to. Maybe that’s not the most helpful thought but it helps me when I get down.
Sounds similar to some stuff I’ve been trying to make more conscious and confront, which is to do with the expectations I have of myself and how realistic or healthy they are. A big one for me is social expectations I impose on myself. I tend to have this nebulous image in my head of a smooth, effective socializer that I sort of implicitly believe is what “most people” are and then I get upset with myself when I can’t live up to that, or I avoid social situations so that I can’t fail to live up to it since I’m not trying.
But this image is unhealthy, it’s unrealistic, and quite honestly, it’s not even what most people are. If I actually look at my observations of how others socialize without the lens of assuming they have some special knowledge or skill that I don’t, they’re kinda all over the place and some of them even make me look more like the smooth image I have by pure contrast of how awkward they are. But ultimately, it’s not healthy to view it as a ranking of skill anyway. Because, and this is important, socializing is not a competition.
Whether most of your problems of comparison and expectations for yourself are socializing or something else, you can apply similar understanding. For example, capitalism tends to get us thinking our competency in the workplace is a ranked system of value. But in practice, it’s not even truly a meritocracy. They just preach like it is to get people clawing over each other for personal gain. In practice, it’s generally wealth and power passed on from rich families to rich families and anybody beyond that is like a lotto player trying to get ahead.
You are not weak. You are struggling, as many struggle. Where communists, where the masses find the most strength is in each other, not from a special potential unlocked from within. You can find ways to try to maximize your potential in different contexts, but that’s still relative to you and your limits and it’s not gonna be a thing that’s the same maximum every day, or even every hour. A person who is sick has a much lower maximum than the same person when they are healthy. Same with a person who is burned out vs. not. Having a disability like ADHD changes what your potential looks like vs. being neurotypical, as well as being medicated ADHD vs. not medicated.
I will reiterate: It’s not a competition and unlearning the idea that’s been shoved into our heads all our lives that it is, is important. They try to make it into a competition, but it’s mostly only an actual competition in the sense of who among the lotto ticket buyers will be the winner. In other words, the forced competition of capitalism is more rigged and random than it is a real ladder that rewards you for being “better.”
You are not your contributions. You are valuable and important beyond that. We have to take that mentality seriously; otherwise, we’d be implying that the most disabled and dependent people aren’t important, you know? You can take pride in what you do when you do it, but if you view your value as hinging on how competent of a revolutionary you are, you’re still spinning on individualist, capitalist thinking. Don’t let capitalism devalue human life. Sometimes it can help put it in perspective to look at how you view others vs. how you view yourself. For example, if you would oppose it devaluing the life of a Palestinian in Gaza, why would you be okay with it devaluing your own life?
Excellent answer.
A further point is that capitalism goes hand in hand with formal equality. Employers expect the same from everyone (except where employees unionise/organise and push back). One factory worker gets the same quota as another. That kind of thing. Employers accept the logic of capitalism being efficient without question. So there’s no challenge against formal ‘equality’ or capitalist ‘efficiency’. In reality both are a load of bollocks.
Communists have another slogan, from each according to their ability, to each according to their need. @olgas_husband@lemmygrad.ml when it comes to what organised workers or the revolution asks of you, the request/expectation will be very different to what (and how) an employer asks of you. Just because capitalists haven’t yet employed you for mental labour, doesn’t mean that you’re not suited to it. The fact that you can’t get a job in something doesn’t mean you would be bad at it.
Other workers are also far more likely to understand the value and the need for training. If you would improve with physical/intellectual training/education, that can be arranged. That’s one of the reasons unions and revolutionary parties emphasise education among their ranks.
Capitalists don’t want to pay and won’t pay if they can get someone else to do the job who is already trained. Organised workers/revolutionaries see the potential in all workers and will be willing to help you reach yours. You don’t write someone off because they could be fitter or stronger, you ensure they have access to healthy food, clean water, adequate rest, and help them get fitter and stronger.
I have struggled many times to find work. It wasn’t until I read Capital that I understood that it’s not me; capitalism is just designed that way. It’s not you, either!
This isn’t my most coherent comment but hopefully you can see what I’m trying to say!
Great points!
You’re not weak for finding out what your limitations are, comrade. Everyone is different and have their own tolerances and limitations. Being vulnerable to yourself and acknowledging that is not weakness. And while yes, the Palestinians have it way rougher right now, having to do anything they can to survive an ongoing genocide, that does not mean your own difficulties and limitations are not important too, you probably live worlds apart from them and your life is also going on.
I think the best course of action would be to try to hold on a little longer there and at the same time try to contact a mental health professional. That way you could still try to be in your current job a little longer to see how things go while also seeking the help you need right now.
And like another comrade already told you, if the place is so toxic and you’re the only counter to that, your presence there matters a lot. You don’t need to be confrontational of them, as that can create animosity between you and the other workers, but being able to listen, assert your position and stand your ground when needed, could be the change they need to be able to pierce the veil of ideology they are clearly immersed in.
This isn’t down to you - A good percentage of modern day labour positions are absolutely soul-crushing, other employees tend to only survive it via years of practice deadening their own souls. I once got promoted and then quit my job one month later because dealing with management types absolutely ruined me, it took three weeks before I realised I was drinking every day just to survive. Thankfully I was in a vaguely financially able position to leave that job.
Whatever you decide to do, I hope you do what’s best to take care of yourself
Please be assured that we are proud to have you as a comrade.first, thank you very much from your message, it helps a lot.
i’m thinking of quitting too, still have some money left from my previous job, that i was saving to buy a house.
i’m very used to insane deadlines, being pushed around by higher ups and whatnot, but i’m good at some stuff and always managed somehow, this time it is physical work and there is this annoying guy that isn’t even a higher up, a lowly employee like me, but like to bosses everyone around, people hate him, even from different parts of the factory, i’m also very bad at handling people, and get pushed around by this dude and he is major part of why i’m down.
i was talking to my dad, he said there was someone just like that in his time, lowly employee that works his ass off and likes to boss people around and gave me tips on how to handle, although not sure i will be able to carry forth with what he said, which is basically tell him to fuck off, especially when he is the one tasked to showing me the rope.
If you haven’t been fired you’re doing fine.
Spent a decade in a grocery store doing all sorts of work and just stubbornly refusing to quit (mostly because I’m a bit broken about certain things) and only left after I was point blank fired. Even after spending a significant chunk of my employment low key referring to some members of upper management as a pedo/sex pests as a warning to newer employees.
I’m saying this as someone who went (and is still going) through the same experience of not fitting anywhere, including my own head, incapable of hard labor, and for the longest time unable to land a spot to work with my brains. The only thing that really matters is that you do well by yourself. If you’re not okay, you’re definitely not freeing the colonies, not helping Palestinians or bringing about the revolution.
There is nothing fundamentally broken in you. People are very different, but the conditions of the world force everyone to be the same, and then shame you for not trying hard enough if you’re not. There absolutely is a place for you in the world and lives of others. I can’t give you a solution, but my advice is to be more open, with yourself and others, and to learn to ask for and accept help. Coworkers, family, friends, government, mutual support orgs, whomever. It might be extremely difficult. But you’re not alone in any of this, and people are built to work together. You’ve done a good job getting this far.
- talk to coworkers
that is a little part of why im collapsing, talking to coworkers. the whole place is pure toxic masculinity, even tho, im not a “manly man” and nowadays i simply can’t engage in homophonic jokes anymore, don’t find them funny. also decided to experiment a little and told when asked which church i went, that im atheist, well that also didn’t went very well.
after these few days I’m realizing that the communist movement has rough days ahead, in overcoming the neopentecostal binds, while being everything that the common sense hates, women, atheists, lgbtq+, african religions and etc…
It matters that you are there, as a different person. They don’t have access to anyone out of their ideology standard.
People like you matter the most for communism. That’s our only way in, with the masses.
The task is about learning how to listen and speak from a place of understanding, not judgement. Not confronting, but comforting. Showing that we care for all people, them included.
i’m trying at least to be a contact with some new, to show that atheist are normal people, not satan worshipers that eat babies. but sometimes i fell overwhelmed and that i shouldn’t speak progressive topics, since their first contact with one communist has been disappointing since i don’t fit the ideal worker and leave a poor impression that communists are fragile, spoiled, smart pants and etc, plus due particularity of brazilian politics, people are very immersed on neoliberal ideology of each on your own and people have disdain for politics subject and see parties in general as parasites that show up only to ask for votes in election years and steal their money.
It is physically demanding, but also a chance for you to become physically stronger. I guess give it some time, share your struggles, become stronger?
If yo have to endure it for the survival, try to establish a routine, maybe. Eat well, sleep well, and share with your peers, for advice? Not as a complaint, but as an apprentice, for they know more about handling the work than you do.
i’m talking mostly with my dad, he worked his whole life, he knows how to handle stuff and some gold tips i got here.
mental exhaustion has been more demanding that physical i guess, i naturally have social anxieties, suspect of being neurodivergent so i’m not handling well the toxicity of the workplace.
I will say natural social anxieties may be getting on your way to get a position in mental work, which is extremely socially demanding, even in tech jobs.
There’s a chance that any place not 100% friendly may feel toxic, if your social expectations are not in a well prepared place.
Again, I think this is an amazing opportunity for you, as a person. To connect with people different than yourself, to become physically stronger, and to show and share our values, and work ethics.
And we’re here for support. Pm me if you’d like. :)
