A few days ago i made a post about me starting working at a factory, grad has been very kind in providing messages of support and tips on how to deal with physical exhaustion and keeping healthy.
today, i don’t know what to do or to think, im one week in and seriously thinking in quitting, can’t take anymore, not so much about physical exhaustion, but mentally, even cried in the bathroom today.
and that is what is bothering me, how to come to terms with being so weak. im not trying to make anyone fell pity or something, especially when we still have colonies where things are hardcore and palestinians getting massacred.
like, idk what to do, i can’t do mental work because i can’t get a fucking job in it, and I’m not handling physical work, and confused about how being weak and not even capable of taking care of myself and handle a job, and be useful in a revolution or be up to the same level of many brave people fighting for the rights to exist, or something as simple as following party discipline.
sometimes i which i could just cease to exist, that way would stop being dead weight and not smudge the good name of our comrades.
edit: i am really moved by your kindness, i will answer each soon.
that is a little part of why im collapsing, talking to coworkers. the whole place is pure toxic masculinity, even tho, im not a “manly man” and nowadays i simply can’t engage in homophonic jokes anymore, don’t find them funny. also decided to experiment a little and told when asked which church i went, that im atheist, well that also didn’t went very well.
after these few days I’m realizing that the communist movement has rough days ahead, in overcoming the neopentecostal binds, while being everything that the common sense hates, women, atheists, lgbtq+, african religions and etc…
It matters that you are there, as a different person. They don’t have access to anyone out of their ideology standard.
People like you matter the most for communism. That’s our only way in, with the masses.
The task is about learning how to listen and speak from a place of understanding, not judgement. Not confronting, but comforting. Showing that we care for all people, them included.
i’m trying at least to be a contact with some new, to show that atheist are normal people, not satan worshipers that eat babies. but sometimes i fell overwhelmed and that i shouldn’t speak progressive topics, since their first contact with one communist has been disappointing since i don’t fit the ideal worker and leave a poor impression that communists are fragile, spoiled, smart pants and etc, plus due particularity of brazilian politics, people are very immersed on neoliberal ideology of each on your own and people have disdain for politics subject and see parties in general as parasites that show up only to ask for votes in election years and steal their money.