I tell the truth. Nothing. I don’t care to expend the energy to make up an excuse.

Usually a brief “I just read/played/watched such-and-such”

If they know it, we can chat about it. If they don’t, and they’re interested, we can chat about it. Otherwise, the conversation moves on and the social rite is concluded successfully.

“I’m a normal user of sidewalks.”

This reminds me of the time that I learned that the correct answer to “what’s up?” is “what’s up?” At least in the context of that one coworker who would say that to me as we were walking past each other.

I’ve since learned to recognize these things as a “bid for connection”. It generally has little to do with the content of the question or the answer and everything to do with relating.

So basically there is no wrong answer. And there are lots of good examples in this thread!

Personally I tend to answer “not much” as a knee-jerk reaction, but sometimes I’ll remember to say something else after that.

In general, switch the question to, “What’s new in the world?”

I’m functioning within normal parameters.

The court order was very clear that I am not allowed to discuss that. How about you? Anything new?

“Nothing’s new - same old”

“just the time and date and some cells in my hair follicles”

The cosmic horrors persist, but so do I

I am autistic, which you probably could have just derived from the rest of this comment. Questions like these are so terrifying to me. So I always have a fun fact on hand.

“What’s new?”

“I just learned that only female cats have a calico pattern!”

Then you can talk about cats instead of your life.

“I am unfortunately still here” is my go-to. People seem to leave you alone if you joke about killing yourself.

Nothing much, you?

“Livin’ the dream.”