checkmate Christians 
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Not accounting for the naughty kids who flipped a light switch on the Sabbath. Probably Santa would have to visit about 3 homes in total, which is why most adults don’t believe in Santa.
Isn’t it kind of fucked up to teach your kids about Santa. Like you’re basically telling them that family didn’t do much gifting for them it was all Santa. Its better for the kid to know you love them and thought about them rather than lie to them and subvert your relationship
Anyways I’m going to the local mall to debate a phony Santa
Teaching your children about Santa is good because it makes them learn that figures of authority lie just for the hell of it and they should never be trusted
I do think about that a lot, and how not receiving gifts is explained as a consequence for bad behavior. As a kid, if you notice all the poor kids aren’t getting gifts, isn’t the obvious implication that they’re all naughty?
Santa is just another part of the American Civic Religion that reinforces prosperity gospel. The rich children are rewarded by gifts from Santa while the poor are punished by being ignored.
Naughty kids get clean-burning coal, the backbone of our Nation’s energy supply. If the poor kids would just save up their coal and start a Koch competitor, they wouldn’t be poor.
new Ed Edd n Eddy episode idea just dropped
I figured out santa was fake when I was 5 and the toys said made in China
As a postal worker im also kinda annoyed with Santa. Mfer I busted my ass all month delivering presents and even the elves get more credit than me
I stand for the troops and salute the flag
if you’re gonna lie to your kids, lie about fun shit Calvin’s dad would say.
My kid is 4 and Santa is hitting hard this year even though we don’t play up the Santa stuff. The level of pervasiveness of Santa in American culture is huge. What I’ve started saying to her is: “did you know that anyone can be Santa? Sometimes mom is Santa, sometimes Dad is Santa, or grandma and grampa, and one day you’ll get to be Santa too.”
She gets all her ideas about Santa from media and other people. It feels almost impossible to avoid.
Current parenting best practice is to have Santa bring one gift that’s not the
penultimatebest gift of the day. Helps prevent kids from realizing too early that Santa tends to favor the rich kids.Santa brings our kids like socks and maybe some candies. Mom and Dad get that good shit.
“Aren’t socks like the worst gift dad?”
“No buddy, socks are the best gift, Santa knew you needed some.”
He knows I’m full of shit, but I do love a good pair of socks.
Santa can’t make an Xbox at the workshop buddy it uses proprietary parts
Why specifically not the penultimate?
That way the rich parents can still spoil their little shit but it wasn’t Santa that brought them the ps5 pro and little Billy the knock off retro console
I’m just confused what it is specifically about the second to last gift
I think they meant “ultimate”
Yeah, I’ll admit I don’t get it either.
Wait does penultimate not mean “best one” this is the first time I’ve heard this
You might be thinking preeminent. Penultimate means second to final (ultimate being final)
Fun fact, there’s words all the way up to fifth to last! ultimate, penultimate, antepenultimate, preantepenultimate, propreantepenultimate
Neat
Penultimate means 2nd to last
Thanks someone else got me as well. Always time to learn
At our house the big gifts under the tree is from family and loved ones. But each of the four Sundays of advent Santa puts small gifts in the children’s rooms at night and on Christmas eve he knocks on our door and leaves a bag of small gifts after they’ve opened the ones under the tree.
There’s also a Christmas fox who hides treats in their rooms in the afternoon on the 24th, which helps pass the time until Christmas eve and the big gifts.
That way we get both things. The kids know they are getting gifts from the people who loves them and they get the excitement of Santa visiting them.
Yeah but why make kids do magical thinking? Its far better to teach them dialectical materialism and scientific rigor
Getting my toddler several yards of linen for Christmas and writing “from a worker’s labor” on the tag
this is the way
What Mr. Tyson doesn’t understand is that there are four simultaneous 24-hour days in a single earth rotation
He is already too educated stupid
Evil oneness
please god make neil delete his twitter and shut the fuck up forever i’ll never ask for anything againSanta uses the multiverse and quantum mechanics to do it. That’s what he told me.
It’s literally no issue, Santa can just stop time. Haven’t you heard of his stand? He has “The World”. It can stop time. Santa is all-powerful. He can stop it for as long as he wants. Checkmate.
Can confirm, that’s indeed how it works.
Ngl I do like doing the “if this obviously fake thing were real what would that take” but Neil is still annoying as hell
based. haters gonna hate
I don’t really hold this against him, tbh. It might sound insufferable but also is a nice piece of trivia. Maybe because I’m autistic I tend to sympathize with people who write tone-deaf and completely pointless infodumps
I don’t hate him because he’s annoying, I hate him because he is (allegedly) a sexual assaulter
also every one of these tweets seems to accompany a fresh accusation. wonder who accused him on Christmas two years ago
This is also exactly the kind of thing every kid gets into after they find out Santa isn’t real, they go through an ex-Santa believer nu-grinch phase where they need to find facts to process their new reality.
People leaving religions go through the same process of militant atheism because they have to dispel the lingering doubt in themselves
Realizing Santa wasn’t real at 4 years old was the beginning of my radicalization. After that I believed nothing without looking it up first, which of course led me to communism. Idk how all these other contrarian fucks ended up libs
I was the first one in my class to realise it was all fake and I broke so many souls that day. I went to every other kid “you think Santa is real? Guess what you dork it isn’t”
I think ots important for there go be people from the scientific community who act in the role of “popularizers of science.” Its good to have liasons to speak to a general audience and make people aware and excited about what they do and discover.
But damn if this guy isn’t the most insifferable prick about it
The “I heckin love sciencerino” crowd has a lot to answer for
They’re literally the opposite of what the point of popularizing science is supposed to be
Reddit Atheism and its consequences have been a disaster for the human race…
Mostly because of the islamophobia and imperialist narratives it reinforced during the 2000s. The atheism part is fine
The atheism part is fine
Yeah, but they’re annoying about it ¯_(ツ)_/¯
That’s the Reddit part, they ruin everything they touch and make it cringe as hell.
Though I have to give them one: they helped me contend with my lack of faith when it happened.
Santa is a very powerful wizard. Possibly the last wizard on earth. Next question
There is a good series on tiktok about how santa is an eldritch horror. It is much more fun. He killed the other wizards and stole their magic.
That’s fine too. Sick of magic deniers acting like the laws of physics apply to things beyond our realm of understanding
I read that as jaws pf physics and enjoyed it more that way.
He’s magic, Neil. He does it with magic.
☝️🤓 Ah, but, have you considered that any significantly advanced technology would appear as magic to those who do not comprehend it? Santa simply uses quantum teleportation to achieve this miraculous feat!
Neil doesn’t have the Christmas spirit, he will never believe
More magic than Trump?
In case you were wondering, for Santa to pass through every chimney of the houses of all those who celebrate Christmas, he must be no wider than 25 cm. However, not every house has a chimney—and technically, breaking and entering via a chimney is a crime. If Santa were caught, he might end up in jail!
AITA because I shot Santa while he was entering my house via the chimney??
ELI5 how big is Santas sack?
I shot Santa while he was entering my house via the chimney
That sounds like a comedy premise. Santa gets shot by a paranoid homeowner and someone has to save Christmas.
I think that’s the plot to “The Santa Claus” with Tim Allen. Basically a guy catches Santa on his roof, startles Santa, and Santa slips, falls, and dies. Apparently being Santa is some kind of memetic curse, because Tim Allen is now turning into Santa against his will, experiencing all kinds of body horror as he grows a big beard, his hair turns white, and he gains stupid amounts of weight.
Dark and gritty Santa Clause reboot where Santa says “fuck”
Bobby McChud shoots Santa in an instance of castle doctrine. Because of the intricacies of Christmas magic McChud becomes the new Santa. He gives AR-15’s to white children and coal to woke children. Hillary ensues.
Hillary ensues
ELI5 how big is Santas sack?
NSFW?
NTA your chimney your rules
A lot of houses have a chimney that’s just an exhaust for a gas furnace, not a fireplace… an interesting twist I’ve never seen an attempted explanation for
in the Santa Clause movie Tim Allen goes down those too… as he thins out to fit into the pipe and goes down, at the bottom the wall turns into a giant fireplace, until he goes back up again and it turns back into a normal wall.
lol that’s pretty funny and the goofy cgi makes it even better
Santa is a wizard. I believe that answers all of the questions
Uhm actually Santa is a sorcerer
Oh, sure, a spontaneous caster that spends all their time in a secluded tower definitely not studying spells. Not buying it
According to most research, Santa had his powers magically given to him without any effort and spends all year spying on people and finding reasons to not give gifts to the poor while running a factory fueled by slave labor. Not only is he a sorcerer, he’s also bourgeoisie.
I’m willing to entertain contrary evidence but to act like you know anything for certain about sick an enigma is folly!
real saruman-type operator
naw santa spends 364 days a year doing spell prep for his one big showstopper moment, def a wizard
I hate Elon Musk for a lot more reasons than NDT but for those reasons where my hatred of them overlaps I hate them equally
Santa has developed a Uber-like app to outsource delivery work to the exploited elfs
What would an elf union look like
