Thanks for joining me today! I’m here at the Reddit corporate parking lot, spot 269 (nice!), and being assisted today by Victoria all by myself because friends only tie down your ambitions.
Founded in 1978 as a men’s discount shoe store on the west side of Philadelphia (born and raised), Reddit has, despite our best efforts, experienced an unprecedented explosion in popularity in the past decade. As of this morning, we are now home to over 16.5 million subscribers, of which a good 11% are associated with human beings, creating over 13 original posts each and every week!
As a business, our primary goal has been maintaining this platform at the expense of our users. As a result, we recently made the decision to acquire one of our upcoming competitors, Lemmy. This sale finalized as of Sunday, July 2nd, for a price that will not be disclosed because our VCs might be reading this.
Effectively immediately, we have enacted a few new featifits (a benefit and a feature combined) that will hopefully pay for the new sous chef will benefeat the Lemmy community. These include:
- A newly revamped federation system that will allow Reddit posts to be viewed on Lemmy. This will be limited to one randomly selected subreddits every month, as chosen by myself, and I’ve been pretty much into cat girls this year, so they’ll probably be cat girl-related
- A unique new post sorting algorithm that compliments the above, boosting all posts that do, possibly may, or will feature cat girls after I have edited them
- 500 Spezbux that can be redeemed for Speztokens at any point
- An unshakable sense of dread about the future course of technology
- Full length ads for Carl Jr’s that will be sent directly to your inbox each hour and can be viewed for additional Spezgild
- New scents
And much much more! Also, as is tradition for this AMA, we will not be answering any questions at this time, but please, feel free to waste your time and ask anyway!
Hi spez!! Is the jailbait subreddit you were moderating coming to lemmy?
Edit: thanks for le gold!!
Edit 2: wow 69 upvotes nice
Edit 3: 420 UPDOOOOTS??? BLAZE IT LOL
I can’t be the only one who expected a shittymorph ending, with in nineteen ninety eight when the undertaker threw mankind off hell in a cell and plummeted sixteen feet through an announcers table.
Please don’t bring that kind of negativity here too.
feel free to waste your time and ask anyway!
Are you staring in the sequel to Rampart?
Thank you for your question about Rampart. Unfortunately we have no news to share about Rampart.
I won’t stand for this! Fortunately I’m already seated.
Breaking news: Reddit CEO purchases free software: “still not the dumbest decision I’ve made this month” says Spez in rare moment of self-awareness
Hi u/spez, why did you cancel my AMA to promote “Barbie” on reddit?
We need answers! #justiceformargot
Would you rather fight 100 duck-sized horses or never read this question again?
So there’s this invincible snail…and if it catches you this post disappears from your memory
Thanks so much for the time to address us lesser people!
So with your head up your butt, I’ve always wondered… how do you see the screen to make posts? Are you wearing a VR headset inside there or something?
Did you kill Aaron?
Why couldn’t it have been you and not Aaron? It’s is because you’re zero threat?
I can confirm. I, the one true spez that likes feeling people up inappropriately as per my username, did kill aaron. Then felt him up while furiously masturbating. Some will say there is no evidence, some will say that this is actionable libel.
-spez
If you were in a room with Elon Musk, Donald Trump and Adolf Hitler, could you stop fellating yourself long enough to give disappointing blowjobs to all your heroes?
This is an important question.
Rampart
Fuck u/spez
I’m sorry, but this is an AMA, so your posts must be in the form of a question:
Fuck /u/spez ?
Quick question: which cryptocurrencies can we use to purchase Lemmy Gold?
Do you have a carbon monoxide detector?
No alarm and no surprises
The April fools jokes are gonna be fire next year
Hi u/spez! This is exciting news. I’m looking forward to your valuable insight into the question of how to go several days without pooping. Three day’s worth would be optimal, but I’m sure everyone would be interested in your vision for a future without enshittification