I used to be homeless. (I am doing significantly better now though. Hard work and luck.)

I did actually have a job, it just didn’t pay enough to get me a place to live at the time. I was too ashamed to beg for money, but I did occasionally hang around restaurants and ask people for food. (So much shame because I had so many peers with family that helped them and they would look down on me for “failing to launch.”)

Why didn’t I go to a food bank? Because the bus system sucked and I couldn’t get everywhere I needed in the amount of time I had in the day. Additionally, I had no kitchen. No place to prepare food that isn’t ready made. The shelter did not allow me to store food.

Government help and charities were definitely not enough, but it did help. A lot of people in charity were good people, but there were quite a few that were just plain nasty. At the shelter, I would get yelled at for following their rules and asking for my phone that they held at the front desk so I could get to my job for instance.

It does not feel good when your family lets you down, your community lets you down, the government lets you down, and even the people that are supposed to fill in the gaps lets you down. Really makes you think that you are undeserving.

You are right that some homeless people have a hard time finding a job. A lot of places will discriminate against you if you do not have a permanent address (and some will even look for addresses of shelters). If you went to jail, a lot of places won’t consider hiring you. And if course wages are just really low compared to cost of living.

Yes, it is ok to feel bad for those people that don’t have what you have. That is human. Yes, some of them may have made some bad choices and some of them might not need the help. But a lot of those people are just victims of an uncaring system. If you do not help them (which is fine, it is not always possible), at least treat them with dignity. Being treated like a worthy person, rather than a second class citizen, means a lot to someone who society let down.

Having empathy is normal, yes.

Yeah, it’s pretty normal for someone that has empathy to feel bad when they can’t do much/anything to help someone else that they would help if they could.

The problem is that you can’t help everyone, so you’d have to pick and choose which individuals you do help, which is going to make you feel just as bad as not giving them any money at all.

The real answer to resolving the feeling is to provide help in a more general fashion. Volunteering with any of the local homeless support programs/charities is a good way to help individuals and homeless people in general

If you can’t do that, or do other support that’s similarly broad, that’s okay. Just do what you can, when you can.

Empathy exhaustion is real. It feels like everyone is demanding you fret over their pet ailment, group, etc. You have to be “aware” of every disorder or super rare genetic defect. Same goes for walking around cities where the homeless are constantly demanding your attention and money. Even if you give them anything they will demand it as you walk by again. Emotions are like muscles, they eventually get exhausted.

I like Kant’s take on this. He argued (roughly, by memory) that giving to people begging on the street directly was a selfish act, as it’s satisfying our own need to feel better about ourselves more than the needs of the homeless population, and would lead to an unfair distribution giving more money to those who are talented at evoking empathy rather than those that might need it the most. He argued that the unselfish thing to do would be to donate to the cause indirectly, responding not to the emotional response in the moment but to a rational consideration of the needs of the homeless population.

I think he has a point. That said, there’s nothing wrong with being selfish every now and then, especially not if your selfishness gives someone a warm meal. And empathy is a healthy human reaction.

Your parents seem to have failed to grasp the challenges facing the homeless population. A better take would be “don’t give that guy money, start donating regularly to a local charity instead and help make sure that help is given to all those who need it”.

Oh, and also, rally for political change.

No, it’s a completely normal feeling to feel bad about not being able to help people that are suffering.

I don’t buy the line that people are faking being poor just to make extra income. Yes, there are people that drive up to foodbanks in fancy cars who are abusing charity supports meant for the needy, but your average beggar isn’t one of those who abuses supports.

When I see people pick out food from a trash bin, no well off person would do that. I try to help out them with change where I can.

Life is extra cruel to those that are already down on their luck. If you find yourself where rents are $2000+ a month, trying to even up and move yourself to somewhere you might be able to get a job and afford to live on it, takes several weeks of hitchhiking or several hundred dollars in travel expenses. (Canada)

Having helped some homeless people out, the other thing is that because of the brutal conditions they’ve been through, often they’re easily stressed out, can’t fill out forms or express themselves very well. Sometimes the one thing keeping them from getting help is someone in their corner who can properly advocate for what they need. For many people having a temporary rough streak, this can be a family member or friend. For many chronically homeless people they don’t have anyone to lean on.

Yes, it’s normal to feel like shit about driving past the homeless, that’s your humanity working.

We are not faster or stronger than bears, so we evolved to work together as tribes.

Seeing other humans abandoned by your own tribe should make us feel bad.

No, it is not YOUR individual responsibility to assist others beyond your own means. Retiring in the U.S. costs millions of dollars and that may seem far away for some, but time comes for us all and most can’t afford to help others with their oxygen mask before putting on our own.

When I drive by someone who needs help, knowing I’m not equipped to help them, I get angry at every politician and lobbyist whose life work is making sure meaningful social programs never get started.

My responsibility is to vote for the most humanitarian candidate possible at every opportunity, and to share my values of “people first” any way I can.

We all struggle, and the struggles of others doesn’t disqualify your own. It’s healthy to spend your personal resources on your personal problems, and use your social/political power (vote) to address social/political problems.

Props on being a human being.

Almost every time I’ve offered a homeless person a meal that have declined. I’ve physically seen a “homeless” begger walk his bike from the median, to a parking lot and load it into the back of a band new truck and drive off. If you want to give you just have to take the risk you may be getting scammed.

It’s pretty normal, yeah. It’s just being empathetic for someone else in a bad spot. I usually don’t donate, but I make an effort to at least have some small talk with them. One of the worst aspects of homelessness is the feeling of your humanity just slipping away, and just reminding them they’re people really helps.

Of course, only do this if it’s safe, so maybe not the middle of the night, or a super-busy intersection, but when you CAN, it probably means more than what you could donate.

Yes, it’s normal. Even if they are faking it, it’s still a bad situation that they feel the need to do it. Most of them have mental problems and can’t find or even look for work. Without work you have to apply for benefits in most countries and some are not capable of this beurocratic process. Without benefits they have no health insurance in most countries and therefore can’t get treatment. Also, without a home address and internet it’s difficult to find or apply for a job in many regions abd without a job it’s difficult to get a home address and internet.

However, there’s too many to help them individually. This is not your problem as a person, but our problem as a scociety. You’ll be overwhelmed caring for all of them. Instead, you should try and help passing laws and regulations to help them in your region. In the EU, for example 2016 a law has been made so everyone may create a basic bank account, even if they are homeless or foreigners. This is important, because before that in many regions you couldn’t get hired or payed because the banks required your home address and without pay or a bank account you couldn’t get a home or work.

Not all are but you giving them something will not change their circumstances if you do. You would help more homeless people by giving to a soup kitchen or shelter. Some give you cards you can give the person which is supposed to give them a bit more priority. Honestly any good feeling someone gets from giving them the inconsequential amount in isolation is more the false thing.

Yes, it just means you’re human. I feel bad about it too, but I don’t keep change in my car. I do what I can by supporting food banks and rescue missions* in my region that have homeless outreach, because its what I can do. It doesn’t matter how you feel if they are lazy or druggies, if you feel something, you can at least act in response, or choose to do nothing and be hostile.

There was a point in my life I was homeless and it fucking sucked. I had to live out of a warehouse with no heating and nobody deserves that. Anything I can do to prevent that from happening to anyone else, i’ll do, if its reasonable. I once took in a couple of people during the Atlanta snowout in the 2010s for a day while we figured out how to get them home.

* yes I know these are religious organizations that are no doubt trying to convert/‘save’ people which is why I confirm through Charity Navigator they are also fulfilling their obligations to the poor. Like Jesus would do.

You say that you feel bad, and that your parents have taught you this all your life, so I assume you’re young and won’t be too hard on you but to put it bluntly - that is a terrible and ignorant take, even though it’s a feature, not a bug (and one that could impact your own family just as easily).

Homeless people are still people.

Many homeless people are in work, but even if they aren’t, and gasp even if they use drugs (which I know you’ve never considered why they use, or have been in a situation where your life is that hard your only chance to rest from it for a minute is by doing drugs), and even if they use whatever money they get to buy those drugs, they deserve the same basic decency and agency you would show any other human being. 9 times out of 10 they’ll be using the money to pay for a bed in a shelter for the night or some food of their choosing (which you’d know if you’d ask them).

Giving a homeless person money (or even the nod you’re so averse to) lets them know that another human has seen them, and has seen them as a fellow human, not some crap on the street to be ignored or looked down on because they make you feel bad.

Once you start placing conditions on your kindness/donation (“no money they’ll use it for drugs”, or “here, have this stale food I’ve been carrying around for weeks in case I run in to someone like you. your dietary requirement, never mind likes or dislikes are irrelevant to me!”, or even “let me buy you something to eat”), you’re making it about you, taking away the last bit of agency many of these people have, and completely lose sight of the person you claim you want to help. At that point - walk away, the only person who might benefit is you, which means you’ve used a homeless person to boost your own ego.

The best advice I could give you is to start talking to people who already support homeless people. Once you’ve hopefully gained some understanding of homelessness and a little empathy to those dealing with it, then and only then could you start talking to directly to homeless people, as I said above, even if you can’t give them money, the sincere acknowledgment that they exist and are as deserving as anyone else of human interaction and kindness will show them that at least someone cares.

It’s a normal human trait, which is why it’s so easily taken advantage of. If you wish to do something for your local population of people suffering homelessness there are plenty of charities to donate time or money to that will ensure it is spent more wisely than most any singular person suffering from homelessness would likely spend it themselves.

I hope so.