I have an issue where I push too hard to be equal in all things. This leads to me asking to reciprocate oral sex when it is offered even when my partner just wants to give but not receive.
It leads to her being upset that I don’t just want a blowjob. I do very much want and enjoy the blowjob but I feel bad in just taking.
Overall when we have sex it is amazing and I definitely take care of her needs but when oral is offered my responses are viewed as being less than 100% satisfied with the offer.
We have discussed it and I know I shouldn’t look a gift blowjob in the mouth but I can’t stop myself sometimes. How should I discuss or just shut myself up in my brain and just accept things don’t always have to be tit for tat?
First of all, bless you for having that mindset. I couldn’t possibly understand getting upset that you’d want to return the favor, or that you wanting to please her as well means that you didnt enjoy it.
Do you offer because you’re turned on and genuinely want to make her feel good, or is your offer more based in the tit for tat mentality? Maybe it feels transactional to her if you always offer right after.
If it does bother her so much, maybe you can talk about it and ask her to request it when she wants it if she doesn’t already . Or, instead of offering right after, save it for later and surprise her so that it doesn’t seem obligatory, is that is in fact her issue here.
I guess another way to look at this is that you aren’t taking anything from her, she’s giving it to you, presumably because it makes her happy to please you. That can be satisfying in and of itself for the giver. I think communication about this stuff is key, just keep checking in here and there and enjoy