I hear you on this, but I have come to appreciate that my dreams are not always limited like my real world is. When I had cancer, it got really bad. I could not speak for months. I could barely walk. The constant pain, even on a hefty dose of opioids, was all consuming. Just watching TV took too much energy, so I stared blankly at the wall while my family tried to carry on around me.

But in my dreams? In my dreams I was still me. Once I fell asleep, I could talk, laugh, run, and have the freedom I had lost in life. I could play with my kids. I could spend time with my friends. I could exist without pain.

None of it was real, and in the beginning I cried when I woke up, but the dreams kept coming. It didn’t matter if my real life was not worth living - my dream life carried me. Waking up stopped being a sad thing and instead became what falling asleep used to be. It was a transition to the less interesting part of my life.

I am better now, but I am not the man I was before I got sick. In my dreams, though? The pain is still gone. My energy has returned. My waking life is worth living again, but my dream life is freedom from the shackles of my body.

I am sorry your dreams hurt you. Maybe the day will come that the pain they bring you now becomes a blessing. I hope in time you and your dream life make peace.

Good documentation should, in part, tell people where to click. I have designed software documentation for high performing individuals at leading global companies, and I have designed software and hardware documentation for minimum wage fast food workers with limited English proficiency. In both extremes, I showed them exactly where to click on the screen at each step.

You might not need that level of help, but many people do. Others do not strictly need it, but they prefer the simple instruction set. “Click here then here,” instructions ease the transition into a new system one needs to learn, or it removes the need entirely to learn a system one uses infrequently.

The problem is that making good documentation is difficult and time consuming. It relies on a fundamentally different skill set than coding or even UI design.

I agree that the ideal is for software to not need any documentation. In my experience, I have yet to see software that rises to that task and is used across a variety of experience levels and societal cross sections.

I wear a Tilley Airflo pretty much any time I am outside.

I need a wide broom to protect my eyes from the sun (early cataracts). I need a hat that is useful for outdoor fun but also looks good around town. I do not want to worry about rain or have a lot of upkeep.

I wash my Tilley in the machine. I get compliments everywhere I go. It works great on the trail, and looks great paired with a sport coat for a country-boy-on-the-town sort of look. I can’t recommend that hat enough.

They want my wife and children dead. If they are near my family, they pose an existential threat. I will leave saving the proverbial souls of neo Nazis to others. I am interested in establishing that my family is off limits and dangerous for them to so much as look at.

Would I throw a punch at a confirmed Nazi? Without hesitation.

Some people learn to shed the racism from their heart and become better people. Some will only get so far as keeping quiet because they are afraid. There will always be severely racist people. It is just as important that they feel unequivocally unwelcome as it is to change those who will change.

I care very much. Please read everything I wrote. The system is broken, and we need to fix it. In the meantime, since we must live within the broken system, it is wise to do a thorough cost/benefit analysis before accepting any job. Not everyone can do that, but some can.

We play pretty conservative baseball when it comes to personal finances. We have a smaller house further from the city than my wife’s peers at work. We buy cars that meet our needs, but our wants are frequently compromised in search of the lowest total cost of ownership. We make no major purchases without real research first. Our kids have not been to Disney, but they will hopefully be able to go to the college of their choice without a mountain of debt when the time comes.

We are very lucky, but most people that merch our income are not actually in as stable a place as we are. That stability comes from good decisions.

That is a good point. We are not paying monthly premiums. Again, over the years we have chosen our employers very carefully. To be clear, we are lucky to have been in the place to do so.

That said, we also did very well when I was a public high school teacher. The pay was awful, but the health insurance we had was better than my wife could get at most corporate jobs at the time. We now use my wife’s corporate benefits because my family’s needs have placed me as a stay-at-home dad for several years. Once she got in with a company that actually values its employees, we made the decision to stick it out.

I live in the US and was born here. This is true of my wife as well.

I hate to say it because I know how bad many people have it here, but our health care experiences have been excellent. IVF? We paid a few grand by the end of everything, but that’s it - most of the cost was one hormone in particular. My cancer that almost killed me? We paid $15 co-pays for doctor appointments and physical therapy appointments, nothing for any treatments (radiation, chemo, surgeries, hydration, etc.), and about $15 co-pays for each prescription medication. My upcoming rotator cuff surgery? I’ll pay similar to the cancer. Regular in-home therapy services for our children with special needs? Free.

This was not by accident or dumb luck. My wife and I have always chosen jobs in large part based on benefits in general and health insurance in particular. We may not make as much money on paper as job hoppers and those who chase the highest number on their paychecks. Do you know what we do have? No medical debt. Great parental leave. More vacation time than most. A legal plan that paid to set us up with every estate planning and life management document one could need.

So it’s hard. Our system is fucking broken - too many people cannot get the care they need, or they go into debt to get it. It needs to be fixed. That said, I also have friends who just made shitty choices. They actively chose direct income over benefits. They gambled and some of them lost.

We need to fix US healthcare in or much every way. In the meantime? My wife and I choose to play the game by the rules as they are currently written, and we play with intent to win.

I send Independence Day and to tell them it is a documentary. Now they know not to fuck with us.

‘Democrats have a plan’

She lost me right there. As a Democrat, I feel confident in stating that we have never had such a thing.

It is a truth so old that Will Rogers was cracking jokes about it 100 years ago.

Before the election we will be preparing bugout bags for my nuclear family and establishing concrete plans to flee.

After the election, if Trump wins we will monitor and be ready. At the first sign of trouble we get out of dodge. I have the ability to get EU citizenship for my family if need be. In the meantime, my wife and I have skills that can get us the privilege to move into some countries based on their employment needs.

My family and I would have reasons to be targeted by white nationalists if they felt empowered. I have received semi-threatening letters from such people in the past.

I hate that we have to think this way, but we do.

Each kid and wifey could have individual Daddy/hubby attention at the same time. My yard and home would look immaculate because my ADHD task burnout could be overcome by calling in a new helper.

I could probably make bank and help improve the lot of humanity by allowing my duplicates to go through controlled medical and scientific testing.

At some point one of me would figure out how to leverage this ability for the absolute betterment of humankind. That would probably become a driving mission for the collective me at that point.

Daily alcohol: blunts my emotional pain, causes awful feelings in my stomach, does damage to multiple organ systems, is physically addictive, and gives you a hangover the next day.

Daily THC and other cannabinoids consumed via edibles: blunts my emotional pain, blunts my physical pain, has a minor effect on working memory when used over years that does not further inhibit cognitive ability or motivation, is not physically addictive, and has no impact on the next day.

Used to self medicate in vaguely controlled doses, it is a no-brainer. MJ is not perfect by any means, but it is world better than booze for frequent users.

My children have received autism-specific therapy and learned key NT social skills from it. I am happy to share my understanding of their experience, but I would ask permission first since this question was directed at autistic people and my official role in the family as dad and husband is being “the most neurotypical one.”

Edit to add: they have learned skills that help them navigate life, including life in a NT dominant world. I hesitate to label them as NT skills because they are used by my autistic children and maybe the actual skill is approached differently, but that is probably pedantic.

Thank you. I don’t have notes handy, but my deadlift was around 360 lbs. for 8-12 when I was last training it directly. A few health-related issues have sidelined my lifting for a couple months (post-cancer life sucks sometimes), but I am cleared to get back into the gym next week!

My legs are where I really shine, with my calculated one rep max for the sled press up in the mid 800s and working sets in the 600s. That is my lift where people stop and look twice.

It does not appear that you are really listening to others to do much as commenting pithy things, and I am not sure if you have some specific reason for this or if you are just picking fights.

But let’s still break this down. Literally no one here is talking about celebrating morbid obesity. That is pretty much a straw man at this point.

Morbidly obese people should be able to look in the mirror and think to themselves, “I look good today!” They should be allowed to go out without worry that someone will make fun of them. They should be able to go to the doctor and be heard instead of the doctor assuming every health problem is only caused by obesity.

If you disagree with the above statements, please be very clear as to why. Everybody deserves quality medical care from their physician. Everybody deserves to not hate themselves. Everybody deserves to not be kicked for their appearance.

No one is saying, “Woo-hoo! Try to be so fat it harms your health!” I would suggest you read up on the science of weight loss and why so many little are obese these days. There is not universal consensus, but there is general agreement that the deck is highly stacked against many people, and extra body fat is not a simple condition to deal with in many circumstances.

People should try to lead the healthiest lifestyle they are reasonably able. No one is stating otherwise.

I think that you have internalized a version of body positivity that lies on the most extreme end of what is meant by that phrase. Body positivity - be comfortable with who you are and do not put down on others due to their body.

The odds are that I am significantly fatter than you. The odds also favor that I am significantly stronger than you, even if you lift weights. I can also probably walk all day much farther than you can.

Would it be healthier if I lose body fat? Absolutely. Have I tried for 20 years to do that? Yes. I am not ignorant regarding nutrition. I am not lazy. I am not overall lacking willpower. I am fat but otherwise healthy.

Body positively means that my doctor treats my body fat as what it is - one aspect of my overall health. He does not assume that every problem I have is because I am fat, even though changing that would improve some aspects of my health.

Body positively also means that I am not going to hide when I go to the beach. I am going to go shirtless and enjoy myself. If you do not find me sexually attractive, that is fine. If you are going to shame or mock me for my body fat, then you are an asshole. If I catch wind of you mocking me, I will quietly estimate how many times your bodyweight I will deadlift on Monday. If you choose to mock the scars that cover parts of my body from extreme, life-saving surgery, I may feel the need to firmly educate you on exactly what sort of asshole you are.

Body positively often conjures the image of a morbidly obese girl on OnlyFans who lets people pay to watch her binge and intentionally get fatter while she says being purposefully inactive is just as healthy as hitting the gym. The real versions of that person are extremely rare, but their radicalism, vociferous nature, and platform make their voices much louder in comparison. Their argument is also easy to find flaw with and mock, so they get used as if they are a typical example of body positivity.

You are right in that the woman I describe above needs help and is not behaving in a safe or healthy way. I also understand why you might think that is the norm. She is not, though, and I would encourage you to look deeper at the meaning of the “movement.”

The “you” above is generic and based on broad assumptions. You, the reader, might be stronger than me and have way more endurance than me. You also might be fatter than I am. The odds are very good that you are also not an asshole. My point was to call out variances from the norm as convenient examples, of which I have plenty in both directions.

Generally, no, but it did last night. We had moved into a new house, and we were trying to tell Uber Eats which train station we were closest to so our delivery person could get off at that station before driving to our house.

We do not love near a train station. It was weird as dreams tend to be.

Aerobic respiration - the evolutionary moment where our ancestors traded immortality for complexity

That was the phrasing used in a biology of death class I took many years ago. It lives rent free in my mind because ruminating on it so perfectly summarizes the “choices” made by natural selection and the way they echo throughout the history of life on Earth.

Our health plan does not give us access to an HSA, so that is off the table for the foreseeable future. I will check out the wiki, so thank you for that!