I’ve had different traumas (career and relationship related), I don’t think they’re as bad as yours but I completely understand what you’re going through. I’ve been on a few medications and therapies but the emptiness and lack of motivation is always there. After a certain amount of trauma I just don’t see how you move forward without the universe making serious amends, like maybe a streak of really good luck. I actually just sit around waiting for a UBI program to exist and jumpstart my life, because my brain doesn’t work well enough to go back to my old routine dealing with the same terrible people.