I had one couple who used my address for everything. They ordered a laptop with my email. ITunes, Netflix, disney+. They’d signed up for USPS’s informed delivery with my account. I could have stolen so much shit from them over the years. But I always tried to correct the issue.

It finally stopped when they used my email for their wedding registry. Instead of trying once again to do the right thing, I logged into the registry, removed all of their tasteful items, added a faux tigerskin rug (the kind with the whole head at one end), a bunch of this jewel-tone stuffed curvy furniture that would be perfect for a 70s fuckroom, clown-themed carnival games, a popcorn cart, and a shitload of baby items.