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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Strict_Limits9377 on 2023-07-05 11:02:36+00:00.
I have several children and their mother is no longer in the picture. While raising them as a single parent, I’ve always told them that I will pay for their college so they won’t graduate with debt but there are strings attach. The main one is that they have to pick degrees that will support their lifestyle. The other main stipulation is that I will continue to support them for a year after which they are on their own.
My eldest graduated last year with a degree with which I whole heartedly disagree. We’ve had heated discussions about their career choice while they were in school but I was unsuccessful at getting this child to change their mind due to their passion for this field. They are now working in a field that pays about $65,000 a year with a career ceiling of approximately $85,000. There is not a path to make more in this career in our city and state.
I bought them a car as a graduation gift and have been paying for the insurance and maintenance. I’ve also allowed this child to use my account at the grocery store. I’ve also been paying my child’s $5,000 a month apartment rent and utilities since last year and now their lease is coming up and they want to resign it. When they came to me a couple of days ago, I reminded them it’s been a year and now they’re on their own. We got into a heated discussion which boils down to they can’t afford to live in the city while working at their jobs. They would have to move so far out that they’ll have to find another job during a time when the market is not great. I refuse to budge as they knew this was coming and I wanted to make sure my other kids know I’m serious about them earning their own way through life. During our discussion, I dropped the other shoe that they’re responsible to pay their own way from now on which includes our family reunion vacation next summer. They argued there’s no way they can afford to pay for everything including a 2 weeks vacation in Europe on their salary and begged me to reconsider. I refused.
This child called their grandparents, aunts, and uncles (my parents, sisters, and brothers) to try to get them to change my mind. My other kids are staying out of it but the rest of the family is even split. Half thinks I should continue to pay since I can easily afford to while the other half agrees with my sink or swim decision.
Am I being too strict?
NTA. Your child knew the conditions and the timeline and they choose a low paying field. I’m not judging them on that if it’s a job they are passionate about, but it’s no one’s responsibility to finance their lifestyle.