The power to ostracize and bully me out of a job for daring to get sexually assaulted by my female boss while being intersex-presenting-male, then continue to bully and ostracize me for the following seven years, fully destroying my life.
I refuse to belittle or diminish anyone’s suffering who’s been through domestic violence. Doesn’t matter if they are a man or a woman, I hope that your neighbor finds away to get out of their abusive situation.
What happened to you is awful, and I know this sounds callous but it really isn’t… You need to understand that one anecdotal experience does not mean anything statistically. For every situation that you described there are hundreds (probably thousands if we’re talking worldwide) of women going through shit just as bad if not worse.
I know it doesn’t make anything better, but I think trying to understand and believe the truth, rather than the thing that makes me feel a certain way, is valuable.
I know. But my anecdotal experience is what I’m still fighting and is my local challenge. That’s what I’m facing in my life: women being bigots. That’s what I’ve been fighting for almost a decade at this point.
Until those women reach out to make amends and help to heal the damage they’ve caused, their bigotry will continue to haunt me. And I will continue to haunt where I was killed. The fact is that unless these specific women can learn that all women can be and are just as bigoted and problematic as men, my life is stunted. Until then, I’ll settle for trying to convince as many other women to consider that they ought to take a serious look at themselves and their actions in the hopes it may help someone else.
Someone else in this thread posted a link to a book called “The Will to Change” by bell hooks. Unless women start having the will to change, to seriously consider that they might not be above reproach, they will continue to cause pain and destruction in their wakes. My biggest personal issue with what passes for white feminism in the 21st century is that it robs women of the will to change by convincing them that men and only men are the problem. This also alienates men, and fuels the fires of toxic masculinity and the Andrew Tates of the world.
As someone who is highly self-critical and has gone through many campaigns of self-directed change and growth, I hope that I can convince as many other people as possible to be willing to change and grow, to consider that they might have flaws to address. Because of my circumstances being a woman and being targeted by women, I am focused on convincing women. That means being critical of feminism and directedly trying to put it back on a track of promoting in this world the values of liberation, equality, and healing.
First step is getting women to admit that there is a problem. Often that involves bluntly holding up a mirror and highlighting problematic behaviours. That is my goal here. I’m also being loud about it and semi-doxxing myself at times because, in spite of the risks of doing so, I genuinely hope that what I say here makes its way back to me in meatspace.
The power to ostracize and bully me out of a job for daring to get sexually assaulted by my female boss while being intersex-presenting-male, then continue to bully and ostracize me for the following seven years, fully destroying my life.
Not-so-fun fact: If you call the domestic abuse hotline as a male who’s experiencing violence at the hands of a woman, they will just hang up on you.
Source: I was in a physically abusive relationship and tried to call the domestic abuse hotline for advice, and they hung up on me.
As someone who saw the cops go over to the neighbor’s house about 15 times… They don’t care about any kind of domestic violence 😊
I refuse to belittle or diminish anyone’s suffering who’s been through domestic violence. Doesn’t matter if they are a man or a woman, I hope that your neighbor finds away to get out of their abusive situation.
damn, im really sorry. I shouldn’t have assumed.
ill shut up now
What happened to you is awful, and I know this sounds callous but it really isn’t… You need to understand that one anecdotal experience does not mean anything statistically. For every situation that you described there are hundreds (probably thousands if we’re talking worldwide) of women going through shit just as bad if not worse.
I know it doesn’t make anything better, but I think trying to understand and believe the truth, rather than the thing that makes me feel a certain way, is valuable.
Either way, I’m sorry that happened to you.
I know. But my anecdotal experience is what I’m still fighting and is my local challenge. That’s what I’m facing in my life: women being bigots. That’s what I’ve been fighting for almost a decade at this point.
Until those women reach out to make amends and help to heal the damage they’ve caused, their bigotry will continue to haunt me. And I will continue to haunt where I was killed. The fact is that unless these specific women can learn that all women can be and are just as bigoted and problematic as men, my life is stunted. Until then, I’ll settle for trying to convince as many other women to consider that they ought to take a serious look at themselves and their actions in the hopes it may help someone else.
Someone else in this thread posted a link to a book called “The Will to Change” by bell hooks. Unless women start having the will to change, to seriously consider that they might not be above reproach, they will continue to cause pain and destruction in their wakes. My biggest personal issue with what passes for white feminism in the 21st century is that it robs women of the will to change by convincing them that men and only men are the problem. This also alienates men, and fuels the fires of toxic masculinity and the Andrew Tates of the world.
As someone who is highly self-critical and has gone through many campaigns of self-directed change and growth, I hope that I can convince as many other people as possible to be willing to change and grow, to consider that they might have flaws to address. Because of my circumstances being a woman and being targeted by women, I am focused on convincing women. That means being critical of feminism and directedly trying to put it back on a track of promoting in this world the values of liberation, equality, and healing.
First step is getting women to admit that there is a problem. Often that involves bluntly holding up a mirror and highlighting problematic behaviours. That is my goal here. I’m also being loud about it and semi-doxxing myself at times because, in spite of the risks of doing so, I genuinely hope that what I say here makes its way back to me in meatspace.