I’m (19F by the way, not like 50) a bad texter. I can be not dry when I want to be, but usually I’m just not up for texting. I really don’t engage with my friends. (I’m asocial).

I don’t participate in their activities. I don’t really ask them how they are, or what their interests are. I don’t even engage in deep discussion with them unless I’m up for it.

When my friend sends a video that reminded her of me or that she finds funny, I don’t click it and just ignore it.

Maybe my friends are growing apart and they text me less because of this, but I’m kind of okay with that because I know they will be there for me when I need it and because I’m genuinely just tired/bored most of the time.

One time, my friend asked me if I’d like to spend time with her, and I just point-blank said “No”. IDK if that’s rude just because I’m being honest and also because it’s not personal, I don’t want to engage with anyone.

  • OccasionallyFeralya@lemmy.ml
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    5 days ago

    Okay so you’re going to have to start lying a lot. I don’t know exactly how you’re experiencing these things but I struggle sometimes with my own personal relationships and keeping up with people. Contrary to what many ppl will say, friendships do take effort, lots of it. Depending on the person it could be more or less, but I’m it case it’s going to be a lot.

    You have to recognize that part of your role our job in a friendship is to make your friends feel good. That’s why people make friends in the first place. This doesn’t mean your feelings don’t matter or that you have to be a “people pleaser” but it does mean you don’t say things like you don’t like spending time with them.

    If you aren’t genuinely interested, but know someone wants to talk about something you feign interest. For example: if someone says “woah I has a crazy day”, they aren’t saying the words “let me tell you about my crazy day” but it’s a social expectation that you’re supposed to ask “woah what happened” or something along those lines.

    Some people might say this is dishonest, but in my opinion actions speak louder than words. If you put a ton of effort into making your friends feel loved, safe, and happy, then they’re getting their half out of the social bargain. Some people just express their love for their friends in less socially common ways, and the typical ways don’t always come naturally.