The thought that I will be able to actually have things I need in life. Actually able the live without fear.
Was a weird hallucination. But still it happened once.
Hearing “Highway to the Danger Zone” at a piano bar. It was request night for tips, where the requests were ordered by how much the tip was.
Most of the tips were $1 to $3. I laid down Highway with $5, mostly as a joke.
What I got was a panio cover made up on the spot, and it was the best version of the song I ever heard. Will likely never hear it like that again.
Losing consciousness. I went to get by blood drawn for the doctor and for some reason I got nervous or something, and I lost consciousness for just a minute or two.
I woke up as if I had just slept for 30 hours, more rested than I’ve ever been, no matter how long I sleep.
Sometimes we just need to turn the human off then on again and it clears out the brain cache? I’ll have to try sometime!
If only I could pass out on command.
I’d like to be able to raise my children again. I think I could do better.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad. They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn By fools in old-style hats and coats, Who half the time were soppy-stern And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man. It deepens like a coastal shelf. Get out as early as you can, And don’t have any kids yourself.
-Philip Larkin
The most depressing pessimistic view of humanity ever penned. In a nutshell, “You can only make things worse, kill yourself.”
More like: “It is a bad neverending cycle. Break it”.
“get out as early as you can, and don’t have any kids yourself.”
Oh! The first part can be about suicide, you’re right. The second part reminds me of antinatalism, and I think it makes sense for breaking the cycle described.
I agree with Katrisia, it’s a never ending cycle. It’s also an exercise in futility though, Too many uncontrollable variables.
As a son… I see it as my parents probably tried to improve what their parents did and it may not have turned out how they would have wanted the intention was good. I hope my kids will also see that even though it wasn’t perfect I tried to improve what my parents had done. The last line I hope some people take seriously. Enjoy your life without kids, parenting is difficult and will bring a life of hardships… But it’s worth it if you put in the effort as long as you know you can’t make the perfect person. No changing your mind once you start. If you do go out for milk and never come back then the poem was true.
It’s a constant fear of mine. That I’m not doing well enough. I actually lie awake at nights and that’s not something I normally do. But I know that I can’t do more than my best, I’ll make plenty mistakes, but so did my parents and I turned out fine. As long as you give all the love and support that you can. They’ll be fine. There’s not much else you can do, honestly, they’ll have to find their own way anyhow
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There’s a camaraderie with the other soldiers on your platoon that happens when you’re in the military that I’ve never been able to feel with any other group of people since I got out. I would really like to be able to experience that again, but minus the war part.
Blood of the covenant. I hear ya. Even that one guy or two who was an absolute dick, it’s kinda all okay now.
Fresh new set of teeth.
I wanna smoke weed again. I did it one time in school when I got hold of a dealer. Didn’t do it again, dunno why. Now I don’t know any dealers.
I hear you, I’d kill for a good old buzz right now
Take a field trip to Michigan?
I would rather shoot myself than set foot in America right now
The Netherlands, perhaps?
I have considered taking a train to Amsterdam. It’s probably just a 2-hour ride.
Just go if you’re so close then
How lucky! I wish I lived two hours away from Amsterdam.
If you come here someone can do the shooting for you.
Lmao I share the sentiment but the delivery was hilarious
I know it’s silly, but a bj from one of my exes. It was so good and I’ve been a bit touch deprived lately.
playing portal 1/2 and celeste for the first time were amazing, obviously still great games but nothing beats your first playthrough
The portals are still the only games I best on release day. I had a feeling of spoilers the first time, and I was so right I avoided everything about portal 2 until I got my hands on it.
The end credits song of the first and the moon shot in 2 memories are crystal clear in my head.
So much triumph was experienced. So much spaaaaaaace to experience it in.
New Zealand. Beautiful place, and the coffee, OMFG, they really know their coffee there!
True love. I was with my soulmate and she left me. My heart never healed and it’s been over 4 years.
Sex.
I’m 39.
☹️.
Sleep paralysis. It was an amazing experience for me.
Everyone has sleep paralysis every time they dream. It’s a mechanism that stops you acting out your dreams. What happens occasionally is that you come out of the dream state enough to become aware of being paralysed. You’re not awake, so your unconscious mind is grappling with the horror of paralysis.
My own experiences were nightmares where I was being threatened by an unseen figure, but couldn’t move to escape. I had a lot of them, some really horrible. Then I read an article with the above explanation, and I haven’t had one since. It was like once my unconscious knew what was going on, it stopped freaking out.
Jeebus Christ no. As someone who has had occasional sleep paralysis since college… Just no. Even though I finally fully understand it and what triggers it, it sucks every time.
It’s also a good gateway to lucid dreaming. I was into it for a while and using sleep paralysis is one of the techniques where you rest your body but try to keep your mind awake.
Can you explain how it was a positive experience? Ive never heard that and I personally HATE it
It felt like an intriguing mixture of something a bit terrifying, but also me wanting to enjoy the moment.
I also experienced it once but never again please I’ve never had that kind of fear before or since
Explain. It was pleasant for you?
Yeap. It felt like an intriguing mixture of something a bit terrifying, but also me wanting to enjoy the moment.
To be content. At least i got to experience it once.
content adjective in a state of peaceful happiness.
Graduate school. Well, my first round of it.
During the course of my first graduate degree, I was surrounded by support, great professors, a cohort of other students who were driven, passionate, and colorful, even though we disagreed on several things (and one of them was an actual shitheel), and most importantly of all, a sense that I was learning, growing, and progressing along some kind of meaningful continuum of personal development… As well as being equipped to make some kind of difference in the world, as much of one as I made for myself (went from an uneducated, bigoted farm kid, someone who was already neck deep in neo Nazi stuff and bought into it into, well, pretty much the opposite).
I took that master’s degree and went professional for a few years, but found myself missing graduate school and so I went back for a second Masters. That just wrapped up last September, but the experience wasn’t the same at all.
I felt like I was just being pushed through machinery, going down a checklist, ticking boxes and moving on to the next. I kept thinking that eventually as I went through the motions I would find that an experience similar to the first round of graduate school would develop organically, but it never did. Once I finished the degree, that was kind of it. Have to put up my hands and say that this could well be just because I was really going through a hard time in my life concurrent to that second master’s degree, and that very likely colored my experience quite a bit, but it did just wrap up last year, so I will need some time and distance to be able to reflect on it more objectively and untangle the raw emotional impression from the objective fact.
I’m still wanting to go and get a PhD as an ultimate feather in my cap, but that will not be for a few years. For now, I need some time to work professionally to both save up money and meet some other personal life goals of mine, which I won’t get into too much detail about here.
It could also be that you’re getting older and you’re developing a wider world view. I’ve been a corporate shill for a while now. When I hired in there were a lot of messes, but I was young/optimistic/saw a lot of opportunity and was rewarded when I cleaned things up. Over a decade later, this place is a mess. I’m coming to think that it’s stuck in a rut of process/technical debt and Conway’s law and that even though leadership has been saying things are changing for the whole time I’ve been here, we’re really just getting more entrenched.
