Locking this thread as some of the comments in here are absolutely rancid. No, femmes to not need to risk their safety and accommodate violent misogynists that only want to control and abuse them. It’s the responsibility of men to educate themselves and learn the art of truly loving.
A LOT of people in this thread need to join the bell hooks book club on The Will to Change and actually engage with some theory instead of telling women who feel unsafe around incels that they’re bigots ackshully for not accepting these poor lonely violent smol beans who are just soooooo oppressed. This shit is why minorities do not feel safe on this site. Yall need to do better.
IMO this just comes across as Feminist tailism. Are incels (as in the original definition of incels, not Tate adjacent men) failed by the patriarchy? Yes. Is it correct to still reject them, keep them away due to the danger they pose? Also yes. To any degree to which incels have ever organized with each other as communities of men who are frustrated with being denied their slice of the pie, they’re a reactionary force and opposing them has been the right move.
Incels represent a crack in the reality of Patriarchy. They are a reactionary departure from its logic. In rejecting the project of claiming women, abusing them, and upholding their place as men, they negate patriarchy, yet they are far from a progressive splinter since they still define themselves in the shadow of what they actually expect masculine self actualization to mean, doing those exact same things. The negation of the negation of the original incel is the current incel, the Tate adjacent types, that actually come back to hegemonic masculinity with redoubled force, the “sigma males” who are even more antisocial than the prototypical patriarchs the original incel failed to become.
If the feminist movement attracted incels through its promise of abolishing the patriarchy, they would have to abandon the label and radicalize their view of gender. It’s on them to catch up; slowing down and trying to make space for them inside feminism is putting the cart before the horse.
I’d be lying if I said I was never an incel, dating can be extremely hard for an introvert. I was never the misogynistic type though even if I was frustrated and wondering what’s wrong with me. Misogynists will hate women whether they have sex or not, and they deserve equal hatred. It’s also very true that the sexual activity and dating life of men is sadly correlated to their value as a man by the patriarchic system. It’s perfecly valid to have difficulty in dating or not wanting to date at all as a man.
Looking back there’s definitely a version of myself that could have become a misogynist incel if I had a different upbringing/role models/view on life and blamed women for not dating me instead of (correctly) identifying myself as the problem (low self esteem, depression, etc).
Still struggling with my own issues but I sure as hell don’t blame women (or anyone else except maybe the bourgeoisie) for my own inability to develop romantic relationships.
blamed women for not dating me instead of (correctly) identifying myself as the problem (low self esteem, depression, etc)
I don’t think you should blame women, but isn’t it the case that society provides fucked up standards for both men and women to be judged against, and that trickles down to some individuals being socially ostracized? Maybe it was all your fault, but that’s not something that can be generalized.
That and you really come across as blaming yourself for your depression. Maybe you were just a miserable loser and it was just a mindset problem, but having a mental disorder is nothing to blame yourself for.
That and you really come across as blaming yourself for your depression.
Maybe I could have phrased it better, I’m not blaming myself for being depressed, that’s just luck of the draw/the horrifying reality of living in this world, but staying in and avoiding all human contact isn’t exactly conducive to meeting people, let alone forming deeper relationships. So I guess I’m blaming depression itself for it, and that was exacerbated by capitalism.
Not to make light of it but I almost miss my old highschool depression that was all self loathing instead of this pit of grief but I’m going to stop myself from traumadumping here lol
I don’t talk about it much but I was a late bloomer and didn’t sleep with someone until I was 25 and I haven’t been (outside of a few dates) with anyone since and I’m well over 30. This was a good read. I often beat myself up that technically I’m an incel, even though I’m not interested in seeing anyone or wanting sex.
even though I’m not interested in seeing anyone or wanting sex.
Wouldn’t that be volcel, and thus not incel, if you aren’t interested?
It’s perfectly fine to not want it, the asexual community calls out this societal standard as “compulsory sexuality”
