What really baffles me is the fact that he seems to think looks and personality can’t be affected.
There are multiple industries which exist solely to make people look better, even without considering cosmetic surgery.
Learning social skills is equally possible. Many, many books and classes are dedicated on the subject. There are many non-physical aspects of attractiveness, and social skills and personality are some, but shared interests, type of humour, mentality towards life, values and goals also play a part.
Learning social skills is equally possible. Many, many books and classes are dedicated on the subject.
Except if you are aspie, those will both take enormous effort and feel so insincere that you will drop them past the initial acquaintance, if you manage that effort. Which is the point where you are most likely done for the same reason - people don’t like insincere romantic partners.
Those non-physical aspects of attractiveness for some of us are not optional.
And mind that I do have good looks and even hobbies that may occasionally seem interesting for others, and cultural context ; all the most beautiful girls I’ve met where I attended social events would try to get romantic by their own initiative when I was someone new for them. Some would even say I have beautiful emotions, and in general characterize me as a good human, even later (when they thought I don’t hear, in person they’d plainly ignore me). You know why every such spontaneous moment failed?
Again, because of simply being aspie - ashamed of being too weak (dropping hobbies, easily getting tired, too emotional, headaches, tired eyes, already feeling dirty in the middle of the day) to be good for a girl, ashamed of being stupid (that’s purely anxiety, one can’t look into her skull and tell if she cares, but it exists), ashamed of being insincere because looking into her eyes is a conscious effort, so I’m pretending I’m someone I’m not, and also petrified, because I don’t know what to say. And previous wounds.
These comments terribly reduce the field of possibilities which would be the reason for such people not having romantic successes, OK?
The only correct answer is therapy. Preferably the therapist should be a woman too.
I think your point is valid, but my point is exactly that social skills can be learned, for non-neurotypicals that might require more help. The attitude of helplessness displayed by the poster is much more harmful, even more than splitting hairs about population edge cases.
that social skills can be learned, for non-neurotypicals that might require more help.
Mostly unlearning them requires help. It’s called imitation and considered harmful. It takes away a lot of energy with nothing to show for it.
That little that can be learned mostly, too, consists of gaining experience to help unlearn imitation.
That was my point. Experience with people should be gained. Learning to imitate something should not.
Helplessness - yes. I’d tell them, other than therapy, to just keep trying to talk to girls, and stop trying to become “better” inside, because that’s what makes one dull and boring.
What really baffles me is the fact that he seems to think looks and personality can’t be affected.
There are multiple industries which exist solely to make people look better, even without considering cosmetic surgery.
Learning social skills is equally possible. Many, many books and classes are dedicated on the subject. There are many non-physical aspects of attractiveness, and social skills and personality are some, but shared interests, type of humour, mentality towards life, values and goals also play a part.
The fatalism in the post makes me sad for him.
Except if you are aspie, those will both take enormous effort and feel so insincere that you will drop them past the initial acquaintance, if you manage that effort. Which is the point where you are most likely done for the same reason - people don’t like insincere romantic partners.
Those non-physical aspects of attractiveness for some of us are not optional.
And mind that I do have good looks and even hobbies that may occasionally seem interesting for others, and cultural context ; all the most beautiful girls I’ve met where I attended social events would try to get romantic by their own initiative when I was someone new for them. Some would even say I have beautiful emotions, and in general characterize me as a good human, even later (when they thought I don’t hear, in person they’d plainly ignore me). You know why every such spontaneous moment failed?
Again, because of simply being aspie - ashamed of being too weak (dropping hobbies, easily getting tired, too emotional, headaches, tired eyes, already feeling dirty in the middle of the day) to be good for a girl, ashamed of being stupid (that’s purely anxiety, one can’t look into her skull and tell if she cares, but it exists), ashamed of being insincere because looking into her eyes is a conscious effort, so I’m pretending I’m someone I’m not, and also petrified, because I don’t know what to say. And previous wounds.
These comments terribly reduce the field of possibilities which would be the reason for such people not having romantic successes, OK?
The only correct answer is therapy. Preferably the therapist should be a woman too.
I think your point is valid, but my point is exactly that social skills can be learned, for non-neurotypicals that might require more help. The attitude of helplessness displayed by the poster is much more harmful, even more than splitting hairs about population edge cases.
Mostly unlearning them requires help. It’s called imitation and considered harmful. It takes away a lot of energy with nothing to show for it.
That little that can be learned mostly, too, consists of gaining experience to help unlearn imitation.
That was my point. Experience with people should be gained. Learning to imitate something should not.
Helplessness - yes. I’d tell them, other than therapy, to just keep trying to talk to girls, and stop trying to become “better” inside, because that’s what makes one dull and boring.