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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/IFeelBad95 on 2023-08-24 03:57:29.

My spouse and I got a house and we both have relatives living nearby, including our respective siblings and parents. Last year we decided to host a huge backyard BBQ party and invited friends and family. However, my spouse’s sister kinda ruined it. She’s a hardcore vegan, so we’ll call her “Erin” (IFKYK). Everything out of her mouth was something vegan related and everyone was pretty annoyed and mostly avoided her. If she wasn’t going on about ethics, it was about health. She was basically shaming our older friends/relatives for not wanting to take care of their bodies. She told my father that his diabetes is from eating animal fat. At one point, she even left to go to the store and returned with a ridiculous amount of VEGAN frozen patties (and bread and other items) and demanded we cook them up and serve them as an option. So to be nice, we cooked one pack…no one touched them. She was absolutely tiresome. Other than Erin, the BBQ was a hit. So we did it again this summer.

When it comes to Erin, my spouse and I disagree. I do not engage with her and she knows I’m not fond of her. He and his parents think she is harmless, whereas my family frikkin hates her guts. I did not know this until recently, but Erin got into it with one of my cousins “Mary” last year who tried to be friendly with Erin since Mary used to be vegan in the past but gave it up when it made her sick. Apparently Erin attacked Mary calling her “ignorant” and insisted she was “doing it wrong”.

So I did not want Erin at this year’s BBQ at all. But I did not want to cause any drama. I didn’t even bring this up to my spouse. I knew that Erin was gonna go on vacation for a whole week this month, so as soon as she left, I set up the BBQ on the Saturday right before she’s supposed to come back (Sunday). Everything went perfectly as planned. However, Erin saw the photos on Facebook and was PISSED. She found out from my spouse that I chose the date so she texted me that I am evil, heartless, and a bully for leaving her out. She also brought up other really personal things to attack me so I ended up blocking her. Erin has since ran to my spouse and her parents to complain constantly and won’t let it go.

So what could I have done differently? Was I wrong to schedule the BBQ when she was out of town?

EDIT 1: A little more context. Erin absolutely knows her behavior is annoying. My mother straight up told her what we were all thinking when she made that diabetes comment to my dad. Erin also does not handle criticism well. If I went and told her that she was not welcome to the BBQ this year, she would do the same thing that she is doing now and complain to her parents and my spouse and likely show up to the BBQ anyway. I believe planning the BBQ while she was away was the best thing to do. Because she can’t prove that I did it on purpose. And as far as my spouse and my other in-laws know, it was just a coincidence and not my intention at all. So no one knows I did this. Except for Reddit haha.