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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Taurinimi on 2023-08-23 21:27:07.

Key info - wife is SAHM. 2 preteen kids. Her mother lives with us. I’m the sole income, as her mother was able to retire because of me.

Been having ongoing issues with money with my MIL. Started as she would go along shopping (always when I was at work) with my wife. She would throw things in with little thought and suddenly they’re spending >$500 in a single trip, and going to another grocery store the following day spending $100.

During the winter, the heat is constantly set around 80. Doors are left open, windows cracked, fans on. Average heat bill during the winter was $600-$900.

We had a water line leak. Suddenly the bill was 3x what is usually was… Except it wasn’t suddenly. MIL was notified a year ago about the leak and said nothing.

The other day the MIL took her card to McDonald’s and spent $30.

The final straw is she grabbed my wife’s bank card to “get a few things”. She spent $300 buying things like $35 lunch bags. $20 phone cords. $90 headphones.

I’ve always considered “my” money my wife’s also. But now, since her mother apparently thinks it’s also her money, I informed the wife I will be opening an account with only my name on it and my checks will be going there from now on. She’s more than welcome to use our money freely, however she will need to let me know so I can send it to her.

ETA - I discussed this with the wife beforehand. She’ll say something to her mother and she will go out of her way to make my wife’s life hell, and after awhile just go right back to the same behavior

ETA2 - Wife in no way has to justify what she wants or “ask” for money. She can always reach me, no matter what. All she has to do is tell me how much she wants and she will get it. She also has a couple of credit cards

TL;DR - MIL has been helping herself to wife and I’s joint bank account. I am going to no longer deposit to that account unless the wife lets me know she needs or wants money for whatever reason