There isn’t some Linux Hell we’ll end up in if we don’t convert before we all die.

There is, MS Windows. ;)

Just kidding. For most, it’s just fine to use closed source products, however, the most/earliest adopters of the fediverse are open source adepts. Accept their weirdness that brings you the free environment (ok, based on donations, but nothing is forced upon you). They put their spare time into the development and maintenance of the environment. They give free tips, either try it out or ignore them.