Anyone else get anxiety when waiting for communication on anything soft-planned (or even hard planned for that matter)? Spiraling and all that.
Especially if the person involved is late or didn’t respond. Ofc the reaction is to check in, that’s what I’d want someone else to do for me if I indicated I’d do something or message someone. However, that can be interpreted as being needy or clingy when really I just want to know the plan and not be left hanging.
Life happens ofc, people gotta cancel plans, that’s okay. But what really rubs things wrong is being left without information, that’s when the anxiety shoots. Do you wait for them, or go do something else? If you go do something else, what happens when they’re suddenly available? That’s not respecting my time, so it’s rude, but do you convey that?? What if you hinged your day on something, that just throws a big ass wrench in.
Everyone is living their own lives, and things happen, preventing communication. It just feels like it’s more common than it used to be, or more… Negligent?
Gah.
I guess /rant really.
If I can offer an alternate perspective…
By making such concrete plans you may be ceding too much “control” to someone who you don’t yet know will have the same reliance on solid planning or respect for other’s time as you do.
So, if that’s the case, what can you do about it?
Plan differently.
Plan a one hour “date with yourself” that also works for you + a date.
Example: Make a plan to meet at a coffee shop or cheap bistro near a park… but bring a book/kindle/podcast/homework, or whatever you’d otherwise do on your own.
If they show, cool, you now have topics to discuss. If things are going well, continue over a walk in the park.
If they flake, cool, you’ve now got a solid hour to do something you enjoy, in a (hopefully) interesting place, and you’ve done it for cheap… Maybe take yourself on a walk in the park. :)
Hope that helps a bit.
This is some legit solid advice.
I love it.
I always have something I’m working on or doing so bringing a book or a laptop should keep me pretty occupied.
Agree.
Setting your own expectations so that you’re never disappointed also helps.
Anticipate meeting up, so that if it happens, you’re excited. At the same time, anticipate that they may not show up so don’t expect that they will.
Love the other person but love yourself first. Yes, it’s cheesy and cliché but there’s a reason for that: it works incredibly well in your favour since there’s no way to lose.
People fail to show up for a variety of reasons. They may have suffered an accident. Their phone might have died and they don’t know how to get to the meet up without it, and have no way of letting you know. They may be stressed and could have forgotten, even if they were really looking forward to it.
And the kicker, they might be even more anxious than yourself and don’t know how to deal with that.