I asked my wife if she thought I was autistic. She was surprised at the question because she specifically sought an autistic spouse and had been operating under the assumption for no less than five years.
Where do I find the filter by autism feature on tinder?
We met on an adult literature/fanfiction website, so sorry but I can’t help you there! I suck at dating, she hates dating, and we both have little patience especially with people. We’re basically hermits.
How did it start?
Was it on Archive of our Own?
No it was more niche, but we have both contributed there. I really liked her writing voice. I commented on many of her posts, eventually becoming the one to ask her first if we could work on something together. We partnered up on a few stories and observed that we have a lot in common in how we think and see the world through the challenges our characters faced in the story. We kept open a Chatzy and sometimes Skype (it was the fashion of the time!) for collaboration, and we ended up spending a lot of time just hanging out virtually and not actively focused on the writing. We became friends over about three months and the authorship context slowly became less and less important to our friendship, even though we still write today.
I was in a toxic romantic relationship on the side at that time that came to an abrupt end, and we had the talk about how we seem really compatible. Surely we could have a better relationship than the one I was leaving. I joked with her like: hey, you wanna have a couple of kids for me? And she was like: sure! That makes a lot of sense to me and would be great character development for you.
I’m curious; did she say why?
She’s a very unique person and thought it would help her prospective spouse understand her needs. She has neurodivergent tendencies.
I can relate.
At work, I’ve worked with a LOT of autistic people. We had about twenty on staff over the years, all over the spectrum.
People always say how working with autistic people can be difficult and that there might be challenges. There’s even training on ‘how to work with autistic people’. But I found quite the opposite - autistic people are a joy to work with for me. We can talk for ages about interesting things, but we can also enjoy a bit of quiet time.
Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert, but I find dealing with the ‘normal’ people at work much more exhausting. Working with the autistic people is a breeze. Most of the things you read about as ‘challenges’ make perfect sense to me. As a result, we run a VERY productive department.
So either I’m autistic, or autistic-adjacent enough to where I don’t see challenges, but just people.
I’m in my early 40’s so a diagnosis wouldn’t really change things for me anyway. But my sister who works as a psychologist basically told me that I’ve got enough traits of it that she wouldn’t be surprised if I was autistic myself.
Same here, similar age.
When i got diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago, ny psychologist mentioned that I’m probably on the spectrum as well, but that getting an official diagnosis wouldn’t really help anything and she wasn’t sure I would even get one.
But having the realisation really opened my eyes though, I now understand better why certain situations always made me irritable and made me have much more peace with my own limitations.
I always knew I was a bit ‘off’, and knowing I’m on the spectrum kind of felt like the last pieces of the puzzle fell in place.
Some people definitely can benefit from a diagnosis, even later in life. Especially if it’s the missing ‘piece of the puzzle’ like you mentioned.
For me, the things that might feed into a specific diagnosis also are just… the way I am. It’s not like I’m suddenly going to work on them because now there’s a label attached. They’re the quirks that make me, me.
I grew up in an era where autism basically didn’t exist. You just were a bit - or a lot - weird. And you had to conform or deal with it on your own. Nobody was ‘on the spectrum’ when I attended school. So I wouldn’t be surprised if there were a lot of adults out there who have missing puzzle pieces.
I had a similar experience.
- Most of my friends were generally similar: straight-shooters, into science, and unique.
- I had a friend whose kid I related to so much, that eventho I am generally pretty bad with kids, they used to ask me for advice on how to address certain issues with him.
- When I was at a farmer’s market, I saw some toys that looked interesting. I asked the salesperson what they were for, and she responded saying that they were for autistic kids because it helps them calm down. I seriously said, “Man, those autistic kids know what’s up.” I bought two of the toys. One was for the kid mentioned above, and the other was for me.
A year later, a friend that is a psychologist tells me that I’m autistic. I get a formal evaluation just to make sure, and yep, I’m certainly autistic. For the next year, all these odd experiences in my life start to make sense:
- I tell my friends and they said that they are autistic too and thought I knew because it was so obvious.
- I learn that flappy hands is an autism thing. The kid mentioned flapped his hands whenever he would get excited. They weren’t necessarily asking me how to raise their kid. They were asking me for advice with autistic traits and issues.
- They toy was a fidget toy, and I bought one for myself because it was soothing… because I am autistic and adhd.
I got in trouble a lot for the flappy hands thing lol
Wtf. Why would anyone care that a kid flaps his hands? To me, it’s so cute and endearing. They are visually communicating how happy and excited they are. It hurts no one, only spreads joy. Sorry you went through that 😕
Because some people interpret it as flamboyantly queer when a male does it.
Even still!
Why give someone heat for that?!
It sounds like you’re asking why assholes act like assholes. It’s a question as old as time
The way my counsellor put it was “straight people don’t spend a lot of time wondering whether they’re gay”.
