I’d also recommend looking for community resources, local counselors, and maybe using a texting crisis line, like this.
I’m on waiting lists. No one funds these programs where I’m from because no one cares. Moreover, i’ve yet to meet someone in my position who hasn’t gone looking for resources like that. We aren’t just sitting here stewing in discontent for fun. I don’t want to be like this. I just… don’t have any options anymore.
I can assure you that life changes for the better for people all the time, even if it doesn’t seem like it will.
#An utterly bold faced fucking lie.
Here’s a tip. Don’t ever assure someone in a bad position that it’ll get better. First off, you literally cannot assure it. Unless you’re going to be the one to fix the situation yourself then there is nothing you can do that will change the situation. What you’ve now done is lie to the person you’re trying to help. A lie that you feel is useful because either you believe that it will get better or that you’re only saying it to pat yourself on the back to say you helped.
Second, if the things causing the person to be in that position are out of their reach, and out of your reach, then you’re instilling false hope. That shit is dangerous and often more destructive than never saying anything at all. You start hoping that it’ll happen until that hope collapses, yet again, and drives you further deeper than you ever have been.
I am 31 years old. I have never been happy. I was abused in every way but sexual by my family until I was 14. They then found out I was gay and told everyone in my family and everyone they worked with. They outed me to everyone I knew. I went to school two days later and everyone knew I was gay because those people my mother worked with told their kids who were my friends. I then got shoved into foster care where I was neglected and ignored so the family could use me to draw in a paycheque from the government. After that I was sent into a care program to ‘help at risk youth’. Didn’t help so much as just cover basic bills until I was 18 and then suddenly drop me and say “cope”. I ended up working myself to a mental breakdown at a call center. I was going to kill myself until my best friend said to move in with him on the opposite side of the country and start over. We lived together years before in a group home so why not. He ended up using me and abusing me, stealing from me and forcing me to do his work so he could stay home and be paid. I tried to kill myself. The doctor at the hospital said I should have done a better job. They kept me for a day before releasing me. No meds. No shrink. No nothing. Just get out. When I got home, my friend asked why he had to do the dishes himself last night. I walked away and became homeless for 5-6 years, literally walking across the entire country to get to a different place and start over. I’ve been isolated here ever since. There were no support programs where I left and there are none here. I am physically disabled due to lifelong issues that got exacerbated when homeless so now I can’t even walk or stand properly without extreme pain. I’m on disability due to this but I get less than minimum wage and am expected to pay for bills, medication, transportation, clothing, hygiene supplies and rent with it. This is impossible and due to it I haven’t eaten in days because I can’t afford food for the entire month. Food bank? Nah. That’s not gonna happen because the “interest rates” have gone up and caused psychotic amounts of corporate greed so food is unaffordable to people on minimum wage, extortion for people on disability. I am literally talking with my doctor about applied for medically assisted euthanasia because nothing in my life has ever given me an iota of happiness. Nothing has ever allowed for me to breathe. I am completely alone with no one to rely on, no one to talk to, no one who would even notice if I died.
So don’t you dare fucking tell me that it will get better when my entire life it has gotten consistently worse. People like you for decades have been telling me that “It gets better” only to fuck off to your own lives and whistle thinking that you did some good when the only thing you did was prove to me that people lie more than they tell the truth and don’t actually give a shit.
Your opening line in the comment was perfect. It showed compassion and empathy. Didn’t promise anything. Didn’t lie. Didn’t misunderstand what I’m dealing with or presume anything. Please stick with stuff like that instead of trying to instill hope in barren soil.
Ok, I would recommend texting lines and other online services instead of a counselor. I also think finding productive forums for this could help you out (places with actual support, not places that will make you feel worse).
Don’t ever assure someone in a bad position that it’ll get better.
I didn’t though. I said “life changes for the better for people all the time,” even people in extreme lifelong conditions like yours. I didn’t assure you anything will get better. I just meant it’s possible and attainable if you work towards it. That might be hard in your current state, but I don’t think it’s impossible. There’s a ton of good people out there. I’d hug you right now if I could.
Disability programs in the US are fucking criminal and support programs are actively being dismantled everywhere I look around me. If you need to vent, I’m an open pair of ears.
I’m on waiting lists. No one funds these programs where I’m from because no one cares. Moreover, i’ve yet to meet someone in my position who hasn’t gone looking for resources like that. We aren’t just sitting here stewing in discontent for fun. I don’t want to be like this. I just… don’t have any options anymore.
#An utterly bold faced fucking lie.
Here’s a tip. Don’t ever assure someone in a bad position that it’ll get better. First off, you literally cannot assure it. Unless you’re going to be the one to fix the situation yourself then there is nothing you can do that will change the situation. What you’ve now done is lie to the person you’re trying to help. A lie that you feel is useful because either you believe that it will get better or that you’re only saying it to pat yourself on the back to say you helped.
Second, if the things causing the person to be in that position are out of their reach, and out of your reach, then you’re instilling false hope. That shit is dangerous and often more destructive than never saying anything at all. You start hoping that it’ll happen until that hope collapses, yet again, and drives you further deeper than you ever have been.
I am 31 years old. I have never been happy. I was abused in every way but sexual by my family until I was 14. They then found out I was gay and told everyone in my family and everyone they worked with. They outed me to everyone I knew. I went to school two days later and everyone knew I was gay because those people my mother worked with told their kids who were my friends. I then got shoved into foster care where I was neglected and ignored so the family could use me to draw in a paycheque from the government. After that I was sent into a care program to ‘help at risk youth’. Didn’t help so much as just cover basic bills until I was 18 and then suddenly drop me and say “cope”. I ended up working myself to a mental breakdown at a call center. I was going to kill myself until my best friend said to move in with him on the opposite side of the country and start over. We lived together years before in a group home so why not. He ended up using me and abusing me, stealing from me and forcing me to do his work so he could stay home and be paid. I tried to kill myself. The doctor at the hospital said I should have done a better job. They kept me for a day before releasing me. No meds. No shrink. No nothing. Just get out. When I got home, my friend asked why he had to do the dishes himself last night. I walked away and became homeless for 5-6 years, literally walking across the entire country to get to a different place and start over. I’ve been isolated here ever since. There were no support programs where I left and there are none here. I am physically disabled due to lifelong issues that got exacerbated when homeless so now I can’t even walk or stand properly without extreme pain. I’m on disability due to this but I get less than minimum wage and am expected to pay for bills, medication, transportation, clothing, hygiene supplies and rent with it. This is impossible and due to it I haven’t eaten in days because I can’t afford food for the entire month. Food bank? Nah. That’s not gonna happen because the “interest rates” have gone up and caused psychotic amounts of corporate greed so food is unaffordable to people on minimum wage, extortion for people on disability. I am literally talking with my doctor about applied for medically assisted euthanasia because nothing in my life has ever given me an iota of happiness. Nothing has ever allowed for me to breathe. I am completely alone with no one to rely on, no one to talk to, no one who would even notice if I died.
So don’t you dare fucking tell me that it will get better when my entire life it has gotten consistently worse. People like you for decades have been telling me that “It gets better” only to fuck off to your own lives and whistle thinking that you did some good when the only thing you did was prove to me that people lie more than they tell the truth and don’t actually give a shit.
Your opening line in the comment was perfect. It showed compassion and empathy. Didn’t promise anything. Didn’t lie. Didn’t misunderstand what I’m dealing with or presume anything. Please stick with stuff like that instead of trying to instill hope in barren soil.
Ok, I would recommend texting lines and other online services instead of a counselor. I also think finding productive forums for this could help you out (places with actual support, not places that will make you feel worse).
I didn’t though. I said “life changes for the better for people all the time,” even people in extreme lifelong conditions like yours. I didn’t assure you anything will get better. I just meant it’s possible and attainable if you work towards it. That might be hard in your current state, but I don’t think it’s impossible. There’s a ton of good people out there. I’d hug you right now if I could.
Disability programs in the US are fucking criminal and support programs are actively being dismantled everywhere I look around me. If you need to vent, I’m an open pair of ears.