So awkward, but come on it says right there on the package to wash those mushrooms or whatever it is… You’re not their mom but you don’t wanna eat feces or whatever ended up on the produce. A quick rinse is never going to be perfect but it’s better than nothing.
In the absence of legitimate suggestions, commiseration is welcome too 😉
Total water absorption doesn’t matter that much because the significant thing is surface texture. If you’re going to dry them anyway you might as well instead wash them without directly pouring water on them.
A friend of mine solves this by meticulously peeling the caps and discarding the stems. It seems like a lot of work to me. I use a mushroom brush to get the dirt and substrate/manure off and call it good.