Yesterday I fought I was a demiboy with part girl but today in confused I have no clue what my gender is. I think I might be nonbinary I’m not sure aaaaa I am confused

  • raspberry_confetti@lemmy.ml
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    17
    ·
    edit-2
    1 year ago

    Any chance you are autistic? I ask because, along with confusion about social constructs, we also tend to show confusion about gender constructs.

    • Retronautickz@beehaw.org
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      5
      ·
      1 year ago

      I’m gonna have to disagree on presentation and orientation being unrelated to gender. Not only do those things influence each other, but one’s presentation (which includes more than how you dress) and orientation can be one’s gender. Think of people who use butch, femme, bear, etc as their genders, or people who are arogender.

      This limited view of “gender, presentation and orientation are different” only work to explain cishet people that a gay man isn’t less of a man for liking men. But it cannot and should not stop us from seeing how for many queer people not being straight/cishet affects the way they relate (or not) with the binary system, that there are gay men that see their manhood as influenced by their gayness, thus different from binary straight manhood.

      • Gaywallet (they/it)@beehaw.orgM
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        edit-2
        1 year ago

        I think they were just stating that identity and expression are two separate axes and that someone can present to the world as a woman but internally feel that they are a man. Similarly there are people who appear butch and people who feel butch and those two don’t always overlap. In fact, all of the labels you described here (butch, femme, bear) are all distinct gender expressions, although some of these labels largely overlap with sexuality labels as well, none of them invalidate or have to overlap with gender identity. I know a girl (identity) who is almost always read as bear (expression), for example.

        there are gay men that see their manhood as influenced by their gayness, thus different from binary straight manhood.

        This can internally shape their perception of their gender as well as externally shape their presentation. I think it’s good to point these out and to celebrate the massive diversity of expression!

        • Retronautickz@beehaw.org
          link
          fedilink
          arrow-up
          3
          ·
          1 year ago

          Yeah, I wasn’t saying that those things cannot be separated, just that they aren’t necessarily.

          The label a person uses to describe their gender can be influenced by their presentation, orientation, or the gender roles they want to perform. Someone who says they’re certain gender because they (want to) perform the gender roles associated to that gender isn’t necessarily confusing concepts.

          The human gender and attraction experience is so complex that it cannot be put into strict boxes that never mix.

          In fact, all of the labels you described here (butch, femme, bear) are all distinct expressions of gender identity, although some of these labels largely overlap with sexuality labels as well, none of them invalidate or have to overlap with gender identity.

          My point was that all these labels, apart from being presentations and queer dynamics/roles, are also genders for many people.

          Some people are Butch [gender], where butch refers to their expression; other people are butch, and only butch, where butch itself is their gender.

  • the_artic_one@programming.dev
    link
    fedilink
    English
    arrow-up
    13
    ·
    1 year ago

    Figuring out gender is hard. Picking a specific label isn’t the most important thing, it’s fine to use umbrella terms like “questioning”, “queer”, “gender nonconforming”, or “non-binary” while you figure it out (or even as a permanent label if you don’t feel a need to describe your gender specifically).

    visual

    I would recommend the book My Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein, I found the exercises in it to be very helpful for examining how I felt about my gender.

            • the_artic_one@programming.dev
              link
              fedilink
              English
              arrow-up
              6
              ·
              1 year ago

              That’s more of a semantic disagreement with how you define “trans”. If you use the definition “anyone who identifies with a gender other than the one assigned at birth” then all non-binary people are trans.

              • Retronautickz@beehaw.org
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                2
                ·
                1 year ago

                Not all nonbinary people identify as a gender other than the one they were assigned, though. Some identify with their AGAB, but in a way that’s outside the binary.

                • the_artic_one@programming.dev
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  1
                  ·
                  1 year ago

                  IMO that’s not the gender they were assigned at birth which is strictly binary in Western society but people use all kinds of different definitions for words.

              • Gaywallet (they/it)@beehaw.orgM
                link
                fedilink
                English
                arrow-up
                1
                ·
                edit-2
                1 year ago

                Just because you define a label one way does not mean that other people have to accept or adopt your label. If a non-binary person doesn’t want to identify as trans, do not force that label on them.

                Also this statement is coming from a very western perspective. There are more than two genders in the world and there are civilizations which recognize and support genders outside the binary. Some people are not assigned gender at birth in the society they were born in, and in some civilizations their gender does match what was assigned to them by society and that identity is neither male nor female, but something else.

                • the_artic_one@programming.dev
                  link
                  fedilink
                  English
                  arrow-up
                  1
                  ·
                  1 year ago

                  Just because you define a label one way does not mean that other people have to accept or adopt your label. If a non-binary person doesn’t want to identify as trans, do not force that label on them.

                  Yes, that’s why I said “**if ** you use the definition…”.

                  Also this statement is coming from a very western perspective

                  Yes it is, that’s why I clarified the definition the chart was using.

  • sludge@beehaw.org
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    8
    ·
    1 year ago

    so like presentation does not equal gender or whatevs, but like trying new stuff out can help you understand yourself and what you really want! trying new clothes or makeup, different pronouns. see what sticks. being trans/nb is a pretty wide range of experiences, and its ok if yrs don’t match up to others

      • Gaywallet (they/it)@beehaw.orgM
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        1 year ago

        I don’t think I’ve ever met a single non-binary or trans individual who didn’t have impostor syndrome about themselves at some point in their life. If at any point you do not feel binary, you are completely valid to be nonbinary. We don’t give out membership cards and we don’t test to make sure you’re ‘nonbinary enough’.

      • sludge@beehaw.org
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        1 year ago

        like looking at some of yr other responses in this thread it seems like yr feeling dysphoric? like thats not something that cis people really do.

          • sludge@beehaw.org
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            3
            ·
            1 year ago

            oh, elsewhere in this thread you said “Not a fan of my body it feels too manly”. like thats just describing dysphoria. like gender dysphoria could be described as a sense of discomfort with how, for example, your body looks or is percieved or gendered by others.

  • sculd@beehaw.org
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    7
    ·
    1 year ago

    I felt like this issue would better be discussed between you and your psychiatrist.

    Sometimes there is only so much information you can pass on the internet, it would be very difficult for internet strangers to find out what is really going on.

    And yes, it is possible you are non-binary.

  • Retronautickz@beehaw.org
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    1 year ago

    If you had to assign adjectives to your gender, which would those be?

    They do not have to be gender qualities (masculine, feminine, etc)

      • Retronautickz@beehaw.org
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        1 year ago

        No, I don’t mean which labels you use, but rather what adjectives do you associate with your gender.

        You say you’re confused about your gender, what part confuses you?

          • Retronautickz@beehaw.org
            link
            fedilink
            arrow-up
            2
            ·
            1 year ago

            You don’t need to label the other part if you aren’t sure what is it.

            But if you really want to, do you think the second part of your gender could be both girl and NB? Something in-between the two? A girl in a non-binary way? An enby in a girl way?

            Have you taken a look at labels like nymgirl, juxera, quella, etc that express a nonbinaryness that is also (in) directly related to girlness?

  • RadioRat (he/they)@beehaw.org
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    1 year ago

    Sometimes folks benefit from getting down to basics. How is your physical form working for you? Are you at odds with treatment by others re perceived gender?

  • danakongur@iusearchlinux.fyi
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    3
    ·
    1 year ago

    one thing that helped me (and still does) is ignoring labels and thinking about what you want to do. like, what pronouns do you want, how do you want to dress, what do you want to be called. i found it easier to think about that and instead using that as a guide to finding a label that fits (or skipping the label entirely)

  • kobold@beehaw.org
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    2
    ·
    1 year ago

    i am agender but still have gender and i don’t know either hope ya figure things out

      • interolivary@beehaw.org
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        2
        ·
        edit-2
        1 year ago

        I think the confusion is a feature and not a bug 😅 I’m some flavor of enby or trans but I’ll be damned if I can figure out what, and I’m in my 40’s so I’ve had time to think about this stuff. Doesn’t really bother me though; I am what I am even if I’m not sure what that is, heh.

        My running joke is that my gender is three raccoons in a trench coat

    • sleepybisexual@beehaw.orgOP
      link
      fedilink
      English
      arrow-up
      2
      ·
      1 year ago

      I mean I don’t really want to conform to any gender. I mostly present masc but ifmd rather be more androgynous idk what makes people nb