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The original was posted on /r/AmItheAsshole by /u/Major-Formal504 on 2023-08-06 21:26:26.
My partner and I have been together for several years, and the longest they’ve held a job is three months. They’ve been fat as long as we’ve been together and despite dieting a few times and buying exercise equipment (that never gets used) they’re still large.
It causes them great distress and while we used to take turns doing things like dishes, I’m now required to do them because they’re always out of energy/sore. I hear things like “I need you to do the dishes before I can make dinner.”
I’m job searching, sending out at least one application a day. We’re both unemployed, being supported by a third party whose support is running out. Initially, they said they would take longer to find one because they’d only take supervisor jobs (in their eyes, they put their time in, and can’t handle being told what to do) and now they’re saying they won’t take any job until they lose weight because they don’t want to be seen at their current size (350-400 pounds/160-180 kilograms) and because they’re always sore and out of energy.
I implied it wasn’t okay for them to say that and they asked “You’re kidding, right?”
I understand being large affects people in numerous ways but I don’t feel like it’s a valid excuse to say “I’m fat, no job for me.”
We’re not even talking physically active jobs, we’re talking sedentary jobs too, such as office work, despite the fact they sit on the computer all day. I’m a somewhat larger person myself but I recognize the importance of not being homeless and am applying to many kinds of jobs in the hopes of getting *something.*
I said it would be nice if they would work before the lease ends (November) and they interpreted that as a hard deadline they had to meet, and that deeply upset them.
You are totally right to request from them to work. But it is also reasonable that they don’t want to be seen as fat.
You are partners and you should empathize for each other. Meaning you should find a middle ground to solve this.
My recommendation is to set a deadline for them to lose weight and also it would be supportive for them if you also join the diet(if you don’t need to lose weight, a diet focuses more on healthy eating) with them.
You are not the asshole for sure, but also don’t forget you both are partners, should be caring for each other. I am saying this because this struggle may damage your relationship real bad, just try to find middle ground.