“MOSCOW – Officials from the Kremlin, under the close supervision of Russian President Vladimir Putin, have concluded an autopsy of Alexei Navalny, concluding that the recently-deceased opposition leader spontaneously sentenced himself to 30 years in a remote Siberian gulag before then ingesting his own poison that he brought from home.”
Hundreds have jumped off balconies since Putin took over. It was also known to be the preferred calling card for urban KGB operators when he was working with them.