This was when I was unsure of myself in my transition and I will refer to this person in a gender neutral manner.

I had an ex who was into polyamory and on paper it sounded good. One of the first dates we went to a restaurant and they immediately want to flirt with someone else. They would always show interest in other people even on dates and everything was about sex. Other sexual partners of theirs would insult me because we were together. I was starting to get more uncomfortable with polyamory.

Later on we got involved with another polyamorous person who clearly was only interested in them. She was extremely rude and yelled at me at one point. My ex would ignore how she treated me. I started dropping hints of breaking up and my ex made me think they would change. They went on lying and cheating and when I found out, they accused me of being bipolar and immediately had a list of people they would date after me. I always asked their input before I made big decisions but I clearly didn’t get the same courtesy despite being accused of using them.

Now I know this isn’t all polyamorous people and I’ve been much happier without my ex. A fog lifted after they left and I feel sure of myself and the love for my hobbies again. Was I being gaslit?

  • rufus@discuss.tchncs.deEnglish
    12·
    9 months ago

    I wouldn’t call that polyamory. To me polyamory is something about loving multiple people. Not just sleeping with everyone on every opportunity. The love and care for multiple partners is kinda missing. It’s sleeping around. An open relationship at best.

    And yes, telling you you are bipolar to make you question yourself, is probably gaslighting. Could also just be invalidating you if it wasn’t that severe. It’s either gaslighting if it was meant to mess with your mind… Or it was just said to hurt you and somewhat bordering on gaslighting. The other things sound like meant to humiliate you. And having different standards apply to partners is hypocrisy.

    (Just my unqualified opinion.)

    • XTL@sopuli.xyzEnglish
      2·
      9 months ago

      Very much this. If your partner is ignoring your feelings or fighting against you, you’re not in an actual relationship. It’s something else.

      Took me too long to realise that myself once.