This is a recent video I found very interesting, discussing an idea of a link between being autistic (especially high masking) and ego death. Does the video resonate with you? What do you think?
Besides the overall “TikTok Psychology” vibe she exudes — which is extremely off-putting since so many people claim autism now or casually use phrases like “OMG I’m so autistic” because of what they see on TikTok, which in turn minimizes our struggle — she also has an understanding of the terms “ego” and “ego death” that is extremely basic and pedestrian, but she attempts to come across as well-learned in the area. If she would instead present her ideas as just that, her ideas, it would be a lot easier to hear her points.
That said, I find myself agreeing with her central point: masking is exhausting. But exhaustion and masking are not “ego death”.
I didn’t know what ego death was - ripped these definitions from mindbodygreen
the ego is a sense of self that you develop at a young age […] “It’s how you identify and what you identify with—like who you are as a person, whether it’s gender identity, what your beliefs are, your morals,” Nuñez explains.
Ego death is the (often instantaneous) realization that you are not truly the things you’ve identified with, and the “ego” or sense of self you’ve created in your mind is a fabrication. In some instances, it can offer a profound feeling of peace and connectedness with all that is, as the walls of separation the ego creates come crumbling down.
I’ve had that moment* though I’m pretty sure I have Schizoid Personality Disorder, not Autism. Though the key difference for me I’d say is that I never really had an identity. That feeling didn’t do anything for my isolation or lack-of-purpose though. I mean, unless someone wants to cryo my head and try to put me in a cyborg brain pod.
*= particularly more of a philosophical thing for me, things aren’t literally one but there is vertical (individual organisms) and horizontal (groups) cooperation (organizations too, but they seem prone to dysfunction). Particularly in situations that should be a positive-sum game, not cooperating seems like tripping yourself.
I feel the same thing of never really having an identity.
I can easily imagine autistic people having less of a sense of identity. Being transgender is more common but also it could be a trauma response. My trans autistic sister has trauma from the “devouring mother” type of care that she got from special education while in school. Being trans complicates things, but she never had an identity before she transitioned.
